2008 already?

Well here it is- the last day of the whole year.

What happened? Where did all that time go? I simply cannot believe it flew by so fast...
Seems like it was January just last month, and here now it will be January again.

I'm so very thankful for 2007. I had the very best of times this year. Yeah, there were bad times too, but theres only one I remember clearly. And there were definitely more good times.

Lets see... I think what I most enjoyed was Toastmasters, my small group, CNM, dance class, and hanging out with friends.

Today should be fun- im going to a "club" to swing dance into the new year!! yeahhh! Its going to be pretty amazing, specially since i really enjoy swing dancing. :D

yay and not yay

My mommy is being a jerk today. :P

But my good friends are balancing my mood out- my mom makes me so angry I could burst, and my friends calm me down and make me carefree and happy.
Know what sucks? Whenever I get really angry, I start to cry.
And when my mom sees me crying, she thinks that she's won. And she never has really won.

Did I ever mention that I will most likely move out as soon as I turn 18? (well, maybe not as soon... maybe in the summer)
That's only a little over a year away...
I can probably make it until then.

So.... i just got back from the movies. I saw National Treasure 2. It's such a good movie (i think its better than the first one) and Riley is my favorite character.

And I got a House of Heroes cd for Christmas from my much-loving brother! I've been listening to it practically all weekend. I love Buckets for Bullet Wounds!

target. and... enchiladas

I got a Target giftcard from my grandpa for Christmas- a really good gift!
I love Target.
Everything is red there. And they have good prices for good stuff.
I don't really like the stuff at Walmart. Or the lighting. I think lighting has a lot to do with shopping atmosphere and all that. Target has good lighting.
And Target has a Bull Terrier for a mascot/spokesperson; much much much better than a smiling yellow ball.

Anyways, I got a pair of brown pants and Eclipse.
Eclipse has turned out to be really good. Which is an understatement... It's the third book in the series, and if you haven't read the first book (Twilight), I highly recommend it.
I saw Jordan Ruddell at Target. I turned an aisle in the book section and BAM! there she was, sitting down in the middle of the aisle, surrounded by books and her little brother and sister.

I saw Jordan Young at Costco. He was by the enchilada samples.
Those enchiladas were good. We bought some.

amazing

My Christmas was spent trying to wrap my mind around the fact that hundreds of years ago, Jesus Christ came into this world in the form of man.
And it's still so hard for me to realize that yes, God loves me, He loves everyone, and that's why He sent His precious Son.

hmm. amazing.

Anyways, I had a wonderful Christmas. I think its my favorite holiday because I can see almost all of my family on that day, and that doesn't happen very often.
And I got my own camera for Christmas, so now I can take pictures of all the crazy stuff we always do!



We played hide and go seek outside of my grandparents' house, and to tell the truth, I hadn't had so much fun playing it since I was in grade school playing with my older cousins.

surprise surprise.


merry christmas everyone!

an ice invalid

I'm just not cut out for... ice skating.

We went to Outpost last night, and i was pretty excited about it. I looked down into the arena and saw all these people gracefully swirling around, and I just couldn't wait until I would be down there swirling with them.
haha more like chunking around, that is.
Turns out, I am not such a graceful skater. Actually, I'm more of an invalid on ice.
And I didn't know it would be so cold! I've been to Blades before (like 2 years ago) and it wasn't so cold then... (now that i think about it, that was in the summertime). So I didn't bring gloves. After an hour of me falling down and scrambling around with my hands on the ice, I really couldn't feel them at all. They were really numb.
My friend lent me some gloves, and I went upstairs to run warm water over my hands, but it just made them burn. It was almost as bad as that time at church when I had to stand on ice...
And then my fingers swelled. It was quite painful.
I just went downstairs and chunked around on the ice some more.

I suppose if someone ever asked me out on a date and he wanted to go ice skating, I would have to say "no".
Either that, or I would say "yes", and then when I would fall down lots of times, I would be like, "Well, looks like you're just going to have to hold me up."

:P

empanadas

Today i went to my Grammie and Grandpie's house.
(i dont really call them that though)

We were just hanging out listening to them talk about stuff, and then Grandma was like, "hey clear off the table cause we're gonna make empanadas"

An empanada is like a little pocket of dough, and it has tasty stuffs inside. Grandma makes some and gives them to me every Christmas- the ones she makes have sweet meat, raisins, and walnuts in them. Its pork, but it doesnt taste like meat- its really good!

So i was like, hey let me help- i bet i could make them faster than mom. And we had this little assembly line thing and it was so much fun!
I folded up a cute little one thats not even as big as my fingernail.

It was neat, being able to spend time with my grandparents like that. They have sooo many grandchildren, but none of them really bother to visit.

beam me up, scottie

Yuck.

Tonight i have a piano recital. Why do people have piano recitals for people who are just in beginning piano? Do they like to see us make fools out of ourselves?
I'll have to remember to wear old clothes. That way, when people throw tomatoes at me, I won't get my nice skirt stained.
haha jk

In the meantime, I've been cleaning. Because Clinton's friends are coming over, and mom thinks they are really going to mind all the pine needles on the floor from the Christmas tree!
haha.
honestly- i dont think they'll mind. I wouldn't mind!

Hey guys? If i'm ever gonna come over to your house, don't go crazy and start cleaning like maniacs!
please don't.
:P

the dream intrepretation test

Lately I've been having some pretty crazy dreams.

Sometimes they are completely off-the-wall- i-never-would-expect-this-to-happen dreams, and sometimes they are so real.
So real that when I wake up, I think, "Well, I didn't have any crazy dreams last night" and then I get up and go have a conversation with one of my family members, and they're like, "wait- i didnt do that!" or "what are you talking about? that never happened!" and then I think about it and im like, "wow! I dreamt that and it was so real I completely forgot about it!"

So then I was on Tickle.com and I saw this test where it is supposed to interpret your dreams and tell you what they mean, and so I was like, "oh sweet!" and I took it.
Haha guess what it said-

You're dreaming about maximizing opportunities and achieving well-deserved success. This means that in your waking life, you are adequately prepared and things are working out just the way you want.

seven beats too slow

You know, I am sick of being sad and tired, and then writing about being sad and tired.

its a beautiful life

The other day I saw this movie called "It's a Beautiful Life", and it was about a family that lived during the holocaust. It was fictional, but it was still such a wonderful and yet tragic story!

As you know, during the holocaust they separated the men and women, so they didn't show much about the mom; most of the movie was about a dad and his kid (who was probably only about 5).
When they were captured and sent into this concentration camp, the little kid wanted to know why they were there. The man told him that it was all a game that he had signed the family up for, and every day they would earn more and more points, and if they won they would get a huge surprise!
It was just so sad and yet so lovely that the man told his son that, because it showed how much he loved his son that he wanted to shield even the thought of Nazism from the kid's head.
So in the duration of their stay in the concentration camp, the little kid believed that it was all a game and that his dad was making more points every day and the little kid did everything he could to help him.
Then one day the dad told him that they were in first place, and that he had to do was hide all day and come out only when no one was around, and they would win the prize, which he said was a huge tank made just for them.
The Americans were coming. The Nazis in the camp killed as many people as they could, and they left in a hurry. When they were gone, the kid came out of hiding, and the first thing he sees is this huge American tank roll up! And he's like, "hey! my dad won us the prize!"
And he got rescued.

In the midst of despair, a man made life a whole lot easier for his son by just playing that little game with him.
It
It's an amazing movie.

seeking relief

Today we threw a surprise party for my good friend Katrina. It will be her 16th birthday on the 22nd. She was so surprised! It was great.
And it was a dance party, so we got to dance a lot.

My friends are so amazing. I'm always struck how we all know the same people, but we don't know that we know the same people because they are in different clubs or classes. I love being homeschooled. I don't think I would have it any other way...

I'm really stuck in a rut right now, though. I'm the most pathetic person I know. I pretty much don't do anything all day long, even though I have lots of homework. Probably what I do most is just sit and think... about nothing really.
And I think I've concluded that I wasn't prepared.
For life.

I wasn't prepared for rejection, I wasn't prepared for all this work, I wasn't prepared to see the people I love get hurt and for myself to get hurt for that matter. I wasn't prepared to wait so long for stuff, and I wasn't prepared to be so happy I could burst, and I wasn't prepared for disappointment.

But then again, I suppose that no one was ever really prepared for all of this...

oscar!

So today I went to another White Elephant party. It was pretty fun, i guess. I knew pretty much no one there, since it was at Grace Church, and not many people seemed interested in talking to me or anything. Which makes me feel how important it is for people at our church to talk to new people who don't know anyone. :P

Anyways, I re-gifted this inflatable raft that I got at a different White Elephant party, and as soon as I walked in the door, people started telling me how great it was. So I guess that was a good idea...
I got this little rubber ball with eyes on it, and its pretty big and green and hollow. And there's a little red light inside of it that blinks when you shake it. Its really really neat, and im going to hang it from my ceiling! :D oh and i named it Oscar.

sometimes i wonder...

I have been wondering a lot lately, "Where is he?"
I have been asking God for a long time, "When will You show me who he is?"

It seems like there are only 2 things I want out of life:
1. To live my life to the fullest for God
2. To get married and (possibly) have kids

It strikes me as amazing how God knows all of our futures, and he knows what we will do tomorrow, and next year, and forever.
God knows the person I am going to marry. (that is, if it's His plan for me to marry)
And that is just amazing. That is the solitary question I ask myself day after day.
Well, don't you ever wonder...? Don't you ever ask yourself, "Do I know him/her already? Does he/she live here, or in another city.... or another state? What does he/she look like?"
I ask myself those questions all the time.
and a lot more lately... i dont know why.

I can't wait until the day God reveals all of this to me.
That will be the best day of my life.

fun and games

Whew!

Its been a tough week, and it's only Monday.
Well i suppose its only been a rough several days. I'm all tired out from anticipating Rawk Fest, and then being disappointed when I heard it was canceled. That combined with finals, relationships, and assignments is too much.
I'm glad most of it is over. :P

So now that Monday (and Tuesday morning) are over, I have lots of stuff to look forward to. Like AWANA tonight, and a christmas party on thursday, and no studying for finals, and a dance party on sunday! and tomorrow, we're going BOWLING!! haha whee

and that's fun, kids.

:D

goodbye

Well, today I have my final- and you know what that means.
No more of this math class after today!
And that's partly a good thing, because math isn't exactly my favorite subject, but this morning I was thinking about all the people in my class I've gotten to know who I may not ever see again.
Brenda, Alan, Mariana, Tommy, Chris, Jacinta, Catlan.
These people (and more) have become my friends. Most of them are older (30's- 40's). Some of them have their whole lives ahead of them and are going to do whatever they want. They are going to grow and have families and climb ladders.
Some of them already have families, but they are getting a college education anyway. And that's admirable.

So yeah, I'm gonna miss them, but after I say "goodbye" today, all those people are going to go out and live their lives, and I think that's pretty amazing.

toastmasters

I heard pretty much the most amazing speech that I have heard in a LONG time at Toastmasters today!

It was about how pandas are evil because they are planning to destroy the human population by coming up with a special type of bamboo that will grow in any condition, and then they will throw thier "bambombs" into the ocean, where they will fall into the deepest trenches and grow. When they grow, the roots will become so big and deep that they will split the earth apart and everyone/thing will die!

lol this was such a hilarious speech!

I love our toastmasters club...

nothingness

I can be a really awful person.
I think that one of my friends is mad at me.
It's not a good feeling.

CNM classes will soon be over for the semester. I have my final on Monday. I haven't studied for it at all- somehow it doesn't really matter to me anymore.

Today is a sleepy sort of day. I really haven't done much work, which isn't a good thing at all because everything is piling up and a lot of assignments will be due soon.
But surprisingly, I don't really care. And I don't know why I don't care...
My procrastination has come to a new level.

I just keep thinking about my friend.
It's the only thing I care about right now.
I hope I didn't damage things too badly...

i hate bees

Right now I am really scared because there's a bee in my house.
A bee.
I hate bees!!!

I was carrying my cereal bowl to the kitchen, and there it was on the floor. I didn't know it was a bee, so I was about to squish it and then it got up and flew away (!!!). I ran across the hall to the living room, and it met me over there, so I screamed a little and spilled milk all over myself and the floor. Then I ran upstairs and shut the door to my room, because that's the last place I want it to be.

I hate bugs that can fly. Because they can follow you faster.

So now I'm typing this (in fear) because... its out there.

rain

Wow.
Right now I'm actually listening to Without Love from Hairspray on YouTube.
Yeah, I already know I'm lame, but that movie was actaully surprisingly amusing! I think Seaweed is the best singer. (why do they call him seaweed anyway? strange..)

Anyways it was really cool yesterday cause it rained pretty much all day.
I think rain is my favorite kind of weather. It can be gloomy, it can be wonderfully happy, it can be soft or hard, it can be cold or warm. Rain washes away dirt and grime and leaves everything fresh and clean.

so anyways, time for homework

me trying to find something interesting to say

Today was government class.
Not fun.
Have you ever taken a government class? They are so boring its not even funny.

Anyways, after that we all (the forts, brennan, katrina, melodie, silas, jeremy, and me) went to Dion's! And it was so Christmasy! They have new cups and boxes and you know the dude holding a pizza? Well he's wearing a Santa hat! (I was the only one that got a kick out of this- haha)
So we all talked about nothing for a long time. It was an amazing cure for gov. And then I found out that Brennan had Eisley on his iPod! Score for Brennan.
So... then Katrina, Silas, and Melodie left, and i was like, "Uhh... anybody have any cards?"
Cause usually we play Mafia or something. But nobody did so... we talked about nothing some more.
Then the Forts left... then Jeremy left.
And it was Brennan and me, sitting at a table for 10 people, staring at each other and being like, "uhhhh......kay"
So we talked about nothing (again) and then our moms picked us up (we lame-o's cant drive). And Mrs. Rose told me embarrassing stories about Brennan, which is always fun.

Then mom and I went to Chow's and got MORE food! :D
And we came home at watched movies.
And ate more food.
yay!

good morning

Ow.
I'm sick and it hurts.
My arms hurt.
My stomach hurts.
My throat hurts.

I woke up today at about eight and couldnt go back to sleep, so I got up and took a shower. I was home the whole time my family was getting ready to leave, but they didn't even talk to me to ask me how I was feeling or to say good morning. Clinton was the only one who said something to me.
He said, "I need my toothbrush."

So then I went downstairs to have some juice for breakfast, and I watched Clifford on PBS.

so thats the end of this pathetic post...

paranoia

I just got back from my piano lesson.
I rode my bike there in the blistering wind and cold. Clinton usually rides over there with me and then I ride back by myself.

Well I guess today my piano teacher (Mrs. Bork) and I lost track of time, but we were still going on with the lesson and talking about nothing like we always do, when mom called. I didn't answer it; i just turned my phone off and apologized to my teacher. Then about 10 minutes later, she called Mrs. Bork's home phone and was like, "AAAAHHH!!! AMMAAAANNDAA!! WHEREEE?????" (well, practically)
So I had to apologize to my teacher again and make excuses like, "My mom is extremely paranoid" and "oh, she does this all the time". Excuses which, unfortunately, happen to be true.

When I got home, mom made a new rule: Call home by 4:20
sheesh

craft day

So today was craft day, which is something my mom runs annually for our family, and all my cousins come over and make crafts for Christmas.
It was tres' cute'! (sup' cake?) I love craft day. I wish craft day could be my ringtone! ( have I been watching Teen Girl Squad? uhhh....kay)

Anyways, so craft day is a lot of fun. We made these little jars with candy in them, and reindeer candy canes, and paper reindeer made from paper cut-outs of outlines of our feet and hands, and little ornaments made out of clay.
Yeah, richard and I had a lot of fun. Haha we're such dorks aren't we? We took this picture after we both won at this game called Dutch Blitz, which, by the way, is very fun. But Richard kept winning, so we stopped playing after a while.

The cool thing about craft day is that you get to hang out for a whole day with cousins you pretty much never see.

And if you're tired of making crafts, you can play a game or just hang out and talk. Richard crammed himself into this little space we have by our fireplace. We normally put a trash can in there, but when I turned around there he was! And then I couldn't find the camera (because you can't NOT take a picture of something like that!) and he had to stay in there a while. :P

My blog is being really stupid right now, and that's why the text looks like this. So please excuse that... :P

Anyways, then we went outside and played ping-pong. It was great fun! It was REALLY really cold though.

It was pretty hardcore.



So then after we were tired of me beating everyone at ping-pong (just kidding. hehehe) we played hide and go seek. It was great except for the fact that I can't really run with my ankle sprained. :P

Also we just played around in the backyard and freezing cold.

It was seriously a pretty freakin' amazing day. I wish there could be more like it, because I really don't get to see my cousins (especially Richard and Melissa) very much.
So today was a rare day of fun and games, and seeing the people I love have fun and play games. :P

I honestly wish there could be more days like this one.

merry christmas anyway

So Clinton and I had the "bright" idea of getting some Christmas shopping done today, since everyone would be having such "great deals".
sigh.
We woke up at 3:30am to get our shop on, but it totally wasn't worth it! I only bought one thing: a cd for my dad.
We went to JC Penney's, Target, and Gamestop. Everywhere was pretty crowded. The people weren't very mean though. I didn't see any violent mobs or anything either. (clinton was a little disappointed about that)
If you stayed home, I congratulate you.

The best part of the whole experience was the adventure. And it was snowing! :D
Though now my ankle is so swollen that I can barely walk.

The moral of the story is:
Never go shopping until the day after Thanksgiving.
Unless you have a plan or are going to get a great deal.

ouch

Yesterday I had a minor accident.
I was walking down the stairs with a huge load of laundry in my arms, and I missed a step, which sent me tumbling down. Luckily, I didn't get very bruised because the laundry I was carrying cushioned my fall.
However, my ankle bent under me and it got sprained.
After writhing in agony for a few minutes, I hobbled to the couch and did some very last-minute homework before HEROES started.

So yeah, I'm ok, but... it's kind of difficult to walk painlessly. :P

Quinceanera

Quince.
That's how old my cousin Yvette is now.
15.
this is Yvette
As you know, I was a part of her Quinceanera. I really wasn't sure what to expect.
Actaully, it was surprisingly very much like a wedding. She wore a big poufy white dress, and her partner (ex-boyfriend. lets not get into it) wore a white tux. 4 other girls and I wore these slinky wine-colored dresses, and all the other guys wore these really nice tuxes. The vests on the tuxes were gray and wine-colored paisley that went with our dresses, which I liked very much.
So we got to this one park right on time ( 2:15pm) to take the pictures, just like the directions said. Richard (my partner/cousin) showed up shortly after we did, and Melissa (one of my favorite cousins. we basically grew up together) showed up a little after he did, so we got to hang out for a while.
A long while. Everyone else was very late.
Dad and my aunt and uncles that were there took our pictures while we waited for everyone.

I love this picture of Melissa, me, and Richard.
Finally, eventually, everyone showed up and we took some "professional" pictures under the trees, and then we left for Los Lunas. I drove over with Melissa and Richard, so that was cool since I hardly ever get to talk to them anymore. We went to Melissa's house first to relax, b/c everyone else stayed at the park and talked, and so they got to the hall LATE, and we didn't feel like setting up the hall by ourselves.
After about 20-30 minutes (they were really late again), we went to the hall and practiced the dance a few times. After much arguing, we decided how it should be done.
And that's when people began to arrive.
There really weren't that many people there, to tell the truth. But there were enough people there.
We ate first thing. I had the most amazing enchiladas. Yvette wore a shirt over her beautiful white dress so that she wouldn't drip red chile on it. Everyone standing in the Quince got to eat next to thier partner at a long table, just like at a wedding reception.
Richard drank a LOT of soda. haha
At 7:00 we did our dance, the one we've been practicing for weeks and weeks. I think it turned out ok. Everyone was so nervous, but not Richard and me. We were the first couple to be announced, and we just walked out- the best couple there. Just kidding. :P
We did have the most fun though. I love to dance, and Richard loves to spin me. All the other couples told us we looked like we were having the most fun out of everyone there. And we were.
After our little dance thing, the DJ came and cranked out some tunes. I danced a little with Richard, but he didn't know much. So I took him outside and taught him a little swing dance. He is such a fast learner! It only took like 20-30 minutes.
At about 8:00pm, I took my shoes off. My dress dragged on the ground, but I didn't care.
We played musical chairs, and Richard won and got $20 from the DJ. We did the Electric Slide (my personal favorite), and the Cha-Cha Slide.
It took a while to get Richard to actually swing dance in front of everyone, but after dancing once he kept asking me again and again.
At about 9:00, we had cake and toasted Yvette. We had sparkling grape juice in wine glasses, and Richard and I pretended we were famous wine tasters. haha
Yvette also had a dollar dance and a 'doll toss' (like a bouquet toss). Like I said, it was just like a wedding. Only no one got married. haha.
I was so thankful that Richard was my partner. He always knows how to make light of a situation, and he makes me laugh all the time, though he can be serious at the right moments. He is willing to learn, and he doesn't care about his appearance or how he seems to other people as much as other kids do. He knows just how to cheer me up- last night he came up to me and asked me to dance because "he saw that I was sitting by myself". Yeah, I really love Richard.
I loved the whole night. It was a wonderful distraction- the best way to help me forget everything thats been happening to me lately.

4 more weeks

Seems like just when I'm about to get over this sadness, something happens to make it wash over me again.
Seems like its been forever since this all started, but when I look back, monday was only 3 days ago.

People have been asking whats wrong with me, and I tell them I'm ok. But I don't know... I think I'm almost to ok. I just need a little more time to work on it.
There are lots of little things that have brought me into this state. My mom has been really mad at me for no reason lately, and she threatens me all the time. My little dog Zia is sick. People don't come to my youth group when I invite them. I screw up all the time.
But I dont know. It seems that in the end, the only thing that makes me sad is that in only 4 short weeks, someone I've come to really care about is going to be taken away from me.

what now, God?

There is a big possibility I won't be going to West CNM campus next semester.

I've been depressed.

dad's birthday

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. I think he had a good time.
We took him to eat at Weck's in the morning, and in the evening we went to Texas Roadhouse. I told them it was Dad's birthday, and while we were eating they brought out a saddle and he had to sit on it and yell "ye-haw!". HAHA it was soo funny. And then everybody yelled "ye-haw!" just cause it was his birthday.
It was this other guy's birthday too, and his wife brought him all these presents, so we spied on him to see what he got. It was a whole barrel of fun (as the people at TRH would say). It was strange- he got all this stuff that said Wyoming on it.
Then we went to Target and I read Runny Babbit. That book is sooo amazing its not even funny.
You should read it.

Fall = Subway?

So I was riding home from piano (because I ride my bike there), and suddenly I was like, "Whoa-dang, it's fall!"
And indeed, it is.
Which is pretty cool. I think that fall is my favorite season, which is a first.
Because it never was before.

So anyway, I was riding along on my bike, breathing in the fresh fall air.
My first thought was, "mmmmm! it smells like fall."
and my second thought was,"mmmmm! it smells like Subway."
So that made me stop and think.
Because- does fall really smell like Subway?
Maybe November just smells like Subway.

Perhaps, if you could bag November, it would become a turkey sandwich with american cheese.

Just a thought

Tech

So.

New Mexico Tech Day.
That was yesterday. It was pretty cool too.

I thought there would be a LOT of nerds walking around. Turns out there were, but a lot of them didn't look as nerdy as i thought they would. :P

I arrived at Tech thinking that there was no way on earth I would ever go there. But after attending some lectures and seeing the campus and eating the food, I don't think it would be so bad after all. I actually think that I may want to study to be an engineer.
Not just any engineer though. For as I discovered yesterday, there are many, many different types of engineer.
The class that interested me was Chemical Engineering. These people work with a wide range of products. Everything from toothpaste to ranch dressing is made by chemical engineers.

So the job probably wouldn't be boring.

I dont know.
Its an option.

hot or cold

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in two different worlds.
(and no, my parents are not separated)
One world is white and the other is gray.

It's because I am Hispanic, and most of my family (cousins, aunts, etc) live in the Valley. Some of them claim to be Christians (or "Religious", as they say), and some of them don't even pretend. Today I was in the Valley practicing dancing for my cousin's quinceanera, and everyone was describing a party they had gone to (with no lack of swearing). One girl stopped and said something like, "Oh yeah, I'm religious but I just cuss a lot, and I party a lot". My other cousin flat out said that she didn't fit in with "all the religious people", and that she and all her friends would probably be going to a bad place (meaning hell).

They all laughed.

They laughed.

It reminded me of a video I saw at church recently, where a guy went up to random people in random places and asked them what they thought of the devil.
Several people didn't believe in the devil.
Several people didn't believe it even concerned them.

Yeah, we're only talking about your eternity here, people.

It always hurts me to see my cousins talking this way. I can't really talk about God with most of them, because they just claim to be Christians and shrug it off, and if I show them where they are stumbling, they just ask me if I have a problem with the way they are. Their world is completely gray- they mix the bad with the good and think that it's all good.
But God doesn't take the man who is lukewarm; you must be either hot or cold.

I always come back into my little safe comfort zone of white, but what good does it do? My family is still out there. They still don't love God. They still don't understand what they are doing with their lives. They still don't realize that they have time to change.

Jesus has already saved me- now I need to help Him save my family.

Would you please pray for me?



don't be alarmed
don't be afraid of what you are
just turn around
everybody's someone
everybody is someone

them're some BIIIG tonsils

So yesterday my mom told me something about myself that I did not know.
Something that is quite strange.

She said that when I was a little kid, the doctor wanted to take my tonsils out because apparently they are abnormally large.
The doctor said that if I ever had difficulty breathing or circles under my eyes, they would probably have to take them out.

I'm blaming this on my inability to swallow a pill.
I always have to chop pills into little pieces and then swallow them with food.

And I have to chew my food really well, or else it gets stuck in my throat.

And I have to sleep on my side or with 2 pillows under my head, or else it feels like my throat is closing up and I can't breathe very well.

I just never knew that this was all because of my large tonsils.
huh

only thing

Family Force 5 will be in Albuquerque tomorrow night!!
I'm not going to the concert, but it will still be pretty darn sweet.
I tried to explain this to my friend Alan today in class, but he doesn't know because he's never heard FF5. So I'm going to lend him my cd.
He's going to love it.

It was really fun in class today.
Because we got done with our handouts pretty fast, so we talked a lot of the time.

I'm quite content with my life right now.
Everything's pretty good.
There are a few things that I think could be better, but I just have to learn to deal with it. I only wish... I could have had more time.
Yeah, that's the only thing.

dancin'

I love my cousin Richard.
In a cousinly sort of way.
He is my partner in my cousin's quinceneara that I will be standing in. I'm really grateful for that, because I don't know any of the other guys, and they don't seem to have the greatest personalities.
Richard is willing to learn and make things fun.
He likes to spin me.

Today was the start of another dance class. It was just a review day, though.
thank goodness!
It was pretty fun.

Speaking of dancing, there is a 4-H dance this Friday! And the good news is: you don't have to be in 4-H to go!
But you do have to have 3 dollars.
And if you are a couple, it's only 5 dollars.
Bring all your supa dance moves. Mainly it's just quickstep and swing. And if you don't know how to dance, we will teach you.
It's at the 4-H center from 8-11pm.
See you there...

How the Wii Was Won (and other short stories)

So today Colleen won the Wii.
For weeks people at Sagebrush have been competing to see who could win this Wii, which was being given away by the church.
And today Coolaid
WON IT!!!
yay!
I'm really excited for her, but she's not even going to keep it. She's going to sell it so that she can buy an iPod.
"I can't live without an iPod!" she says.

I found my old diary today. I think that I should probably burn it, or do something so that no person will ever read it.
Yes, it's that bad.
There was a point in my life that was very embarrassing because...... well if I told you then you would know.
And I don't want you to know.

The other day my mom and I went to get haircuts. Mine only took about 20 minutes, because it was just a wash and cut. It was kind of strange, because the lady that cut my hair (turns out) had just taken the same class I took at CNM! More and more coincidences... this is getting creepy though.
Anyway, she was actually quite a nice lady. I'm not all too pleased with my haircut, but it was my own stupid decisions that made it bad. Don't worry, I didn't do anything too drastic.
Mom's hair took about 2-3 hours, because she got highlights.
Highlights take freakin' forever.
I read a whole bunch of those magazines they have in the waiting rooms, and then the lady called me "sweetie" and gave me two suckers (haha), and I was going to start coloring with this highlighter I found in mom's purse, but the lady turned on the TV and so I watched The Price Is Right. With Drew Carey. Now instead of wearing t-shirts with Bob's face on them, people wear t-shirts with Drew's face on them. And at the end of the show, he does not remind you to help control the pet population. But it's special in its own way.
I guess.

Anyway-
the moral of the story is:
If you are waiting for someone who is getting their hair dyed, bring a book.

my weekend

I had a really good weekend. I'm sad that its over.
For me, weekends start on Friday because I don't go to CNM that day.
So on Friday we were on the road at 8:00am, cause my friend Melodie came to our house and we drove her to Government class at Hoffmantown. But we didn't get to stay. We dropped Melodie off and drove to a 4-H meeting for the Free Stylin' Hawks, our (now) old club. We were having elections/induction, so that was officially my last meeting with that club.
Ever!
yay!
Then we drove back to government, stayed for the last 30minutes, drove Melodie to her church (which happens to be right next to ours), and went to Dions. By the time we got home, it was 2:00.
Then Clinton and I left again at 4:30ish, because we volunteered at a football game.
It was actually a lot of fun, now that I think of it. I was too tired to think after it was over, because I made nachos, frito pie, hot dogs, and chili dogs for people the whole time. Which can be very tiring.

Saturday and Sunday basically consisted of studying for my math final/PSAT. But there was an Orangina and a Jones soda thrown in there somewhere, so it wasn't too bad. My math final is tomorrow (yikes!) and the PSAT is the day after that (oh no!). I'm probably more worried about the final because I'll get my grade sooner. And it determines whether or not I will be moving on to the College Algebra class. :P

So please pray for me. Pray for everyone taking the final! And the PSAT.

Joni Tada Dinner

Last night I went and helped at this Joni Tada dinner they had at Grace. Joni Tada is an artist that is paralyzed, and so she holds a paintbrush in her mouth. And her paintings are actually pretty good.
So the dinner was for families with children who are disabled. The parents went in one room and had thier food and entertainment, and the kids went in this other room and we had a fiesta. And thats why I was there (not because there was a fiesta, but because they needed people to help with the kids).
I was assigned to this kid named Simon. Simon is in kindergarten and he has Down Syndrome, so he had trouble paying attention and he didn't listen to directions very well. Also he didn't speak.
So I had some trouble keeping up with him. He liked to escape.
I was feeding him some chicken and then I looked up and saw my brother and some other guys dancing in the hall. They had on sombreros and had painted beards and twirly mustaches on thier faces with different colored paints. So I told Simon, " Look at the clowns!" And he actually looked and smiled! For once his attention was caught for more than 30 seconds. It was pretty funny actually.
They actually did have real clowns there making balloon animals for everyone. One gave me a sticker that read 'I Hugged A Clown Today'. So i put it on my hand, sticky side up, and I patted Peter on the back and told him, "See ya Tuesday, Peter!"
and he didn't suspect a thing.
It was pretty funny.
Overall, I think everyone had a good time.

Time

I babysat for the neighbors' kids on Friday. They are such sweet kids. We played games and watched Jungle Book 2. Which is a good way to get the song "Bear Necessities" stuck in your head.
The little boy, Alejandro, was in first grade. He reminded me sooo much of Clinton when he was that age! At bedtime, he wanted me to read him this dog-eared, torn, falling apart 2007 LEGO/Star Wars catalog. It went something like this:

IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER!
Destroy your enemies with the action gripping excitement of a new Imperial battleship! Comes with a Darth Vader with a limited edition gray suit, 5 storm troopers with limited edition red suits, and a limited edition captain! AND: extra feature- self opening hatch! Just press the side button to bring this ship to life.
$399.99

The kid was so into it, I almost wished I had $399.99 so I could buy the kid a LEGO.
They were good kids, but as I was leaving I was glad because I didn't have to be with them all the time. I like going and spending a few hours with kids, and then leaving them with their parents. Not even the parents like spending all their time with the kids. They did pay me to take care of them while they went off by themselves didn't they?
So I already know that I'm too young to have my own kids. I'm not ready or responsible enough. Time goes by so fast; so why do kids my age go out and have kids?
"I can't believe this happened" "I didn't know" "It's not my fault"
whatever.
Think about the kid. I have several cousins who have made those kind of mistakes.
Think about the kids.
Yesterday I went to practice dancing for my cousin's quinceanera there was a really nice girl there. She was dancing with this guy who was obviously her boyfriend. When we were leaving, my mom asked me if I had seen her baby. Her baby? I wanted to know how old she was.
She was my age.
16 is way too young to have a baby.
Think about the kid. He's the one who has to deal with everything.
Time goes by so fast. Let's just enjoy being young while we can.

Combinations

I have been sooo busy lately. I missed a few questions on the last quiz and had to re-take it 3 times (cause i missed 1 question the second time), and today I have a test, which I know I will not get an 'A' on, because I didn't know what the heck I was looking at while I was studying last night. But I'm actually enjoying myself in class now. We've gotten to the point where everybody knows everyone else's names, and everyone is friendly and will talk and joke and laugh. So except for when it comes to tests, the class is pretty relaxed.
There's not much else to say. Sometimes school can be really boring in conversation.
I think I'm going to get Eisley's new cd, Combinations. I really like their song Come Clean.

im so stupid

I did the stupidest thing yesterday in math. I had just zipped up my backpack, but then I realized that I hadn't written down my homework. So I opened my backpack, took out my notebook, put it on the table in front of me, and wrote down my homework. Then I closed my notebook, zipped up my backpack, and left class.
I didn't realize that I had left my notebook in class until about 7:30 last night.
My dad had to drive me to CNM so that I could get it.
I don't even remember seeing it there- thats the stupid thing: it was right in front of my face, and I just got up and left it.

Yesterday I talked to Zach again, and guess what? Apparently he used to go to Sagebrush when it was Hoffmantown West and we met at LBJ. Now he goes to some other church, though.
I'm so glad that God put me in the same class with Zach, because pretty much everyone else in the class are obviously not Christians, and it really helps with accountability when he's there. It's just nice having another Christian to talk to.

i have sunburn

So yesterday I was at Grace church from 1:00- 7:30. That's like 7 hours people. We were accepting and sorting and pricing stuff for our AWANA garage sale. More like a garbage sale. Why is it that when you ask people to donate stuff for fund-raising, they donate the stuff that they want to get rid of that should really end up in the dump? We threw a lot of stuff away. And everything still took up 3 rooms.
On the other hand, there was some pretty cool stuff. There was a Xylophone, and these little wind-up toys from McDonald's, and this lamp which was really a candle, and this stuffed dog I named Boopers. And I got some amazing retro plates that survived the '60's.
But we had to get up at 5:00am so that we could get to the church at 6:00 and set things up so that when people came at 6:30, they would have stuff to buy. So I'm pretty tired right now, but at least I'm CLEAN. I took a shower, thank you.
I was really surprised because the Lennoxs' came to check things out. Daniel bought a bike. I was too short to ride the bike. I know - I tried. But I was glad they came and bought something. I was like, Please, cart it all away. I'm giving it to you for free. But even then they didn't take it.
At 1:00pm, we ended up giving practically all the clothes away to Mexico Missions, and the rest is going someplace else, I can't remember where. But by then we had been at the chruch for 8 hours, so we didn't really care.

after all...

So I had another small-world experience today. I was riding down our street on my bike this morning and saw this girl who I thought looked really familiar. I thought she might have been in my class, so I remembered what she was wearing and how she had her hair (black tank top, jeans, ponytail) and if the girl in my class was wearing the same thing I'd know that it was her. And when I got to class, there she was just as I'd remembered. I can't believe it. What are the odds?

It's fun to talk to the people in my class, some of them anyway. Sometimes I don't even talk to them, I just sit and observe. We have some real characters. I even gave them nicknames. There's this girl I call i-phone, and one time she called a quadratic equation a "hardcore equation"
There's a kid I call Skins, and he just registered last week. So he's missed about 2 weeks of class! We're having our first major test tomorrow. "I'm so scared!" he told me.
"So'm I!" I said, and Little Anita agreed.
Although he has more to worry about. He is doing quite well fending for himself, I must say.
I think I am going to fail.
But God will still let me into heaven, so I don't feel too bad.
Which reminds me, I actually heard someone call himself God today.
Unbelievable.

at least volleyball is fun. sometimes.

I miss summer.
I hate doing homework. Today I did like 2 and 1/2 hours of homework and it was very stressful. I honestly do not know how people do it. Because I know several people that have WAY more homework than I do.

I thought that having volleyball today after doing my homework would help me unwind a little, but I was wrong. The first game we played we lost like 5-21. Plus I accidentally hit a kid on the other team with the ball. But at least I didn't I didn't hit him in the soft spot like Coolaid did. It was pretty funny, even he had to admit. Yeah, I know I'm mean. Don't worry, he wasn't hurt too bad. I also accidentally hit Colleen twice with the ball, one time in the face which made her cry. I felt pretty bad about that one.

I'm a terrible volleyball player, and I'm so clumsy, and I'm bad at math.

Maybe tomorrow will be good to me.

happy birthday, zia

For all of you that have been shut into some forgotten cellar, Zia is my dog.
Zia is 7 years old today. She's a doggie dinosaur.
The spoiled little princess usually gets a pancake on her birthday, but she didn't get one today. We did, however, buy her a little stuffed bunny that squeaks and a little rubber cat that squeaks. These toys substitute for all the bunnies that are usually out on our lawn, and the kitten that sits on the fence and stares as Zia frantically jumps to get it.
Zia finds that for best results, you should stomp and gnaw the toy to death- even though its not alive in the first place.
100% satisfaction.

daniel

Last night at First Wednesday (every first wednesday of the month we have church at Sagebrush), Jared and Matt (our leaders) were talking about what it means to be a Christian. We're going through the book of Daniel, and I read that Daniel was a guy who was a steadfast Christian who didn't want anything to turn him from God. He was captive in an ungodly country, but he didn't turn away- he refused their pagan customs to stay with God.
It makes me wonder what we would do in such a situation.
Would you turn away?
Would you deny worldly pleasures to say with God?

At group last week our leader, Danielle, asked us what would make us turn away from God. But I think that if you're truly a Christian, nothing should turn you away.
Christ remained faithful to God to the point of death, even death on the cross. I've heard stories of people in other countries who got rolled over by a steamroller for their faith.
I want a faith like that.

I've resolved that, as a Christian, I'm going to try to talk about Christ to someone at every opportunity.

Romans 1:16-17

Lives Ablaze!!

This weekend, instead of going with the flow to Freedom Fest, I decided to be different and go to Lives Ablaze. Plus a lot of my friends were going. And Skillet was there.
I'm glad I went to Lives Ablaze. It takes place in Glorieta, and its really nice to get away after a week of school, even for only a weekend.
Glorieta is actually a really nice place to stay. Last year when I went to Lives Ablaze, we stayed at a hotel about 30 minutes away. Which actually isn't very convenient at all if you think about it. You get no free time, and you can't wander around the grounds very much (so pretty!), and you have to eat greasy food at the Chuck Wagon.
Staying at Glorieta is kind of like staying in a hotel. With bunk beds. Its pretty amazing, actually.
I'm pretty happy with Lives Ablaze this year because we had a really good worship team, and Bob Smiley (a REALLY hilarious comedian), a pretty good pastor, and a great concert. You should check out Bob Smiley.
KJ-52 was kind of lame... I'd rather have a cd.
Skillet was amazing!! Although everyone was very squished and it was like if you jumped up you wouldn't even get back to the ground again because people would have squeezed into your space that fast. At first, I was standing right behind this really... big guy with a green polo on. People kept pushing to get into the front so they could get a better view, and I actually found myself squished like peanut butter next to this... big guy- and he was soaked with sweat. He also smelled like sweat. It was pretty disgusting. But then he decided he'd blocked everyone's view long enough and moved on.
You know you're at a hardcore concert when you get hair in your eyes from the person in front of you cause he's headbanging so hard.

The great thing about Lives Ablaze is that 'most everybody is friendly. I met these really great people from Portales.
Also there was a foreign exchange student there from France. His name is Gillam, and we had some good times in line waiting for lunch. We (clinton, laura, colleen and I) bought chalk, and Joey and Gillam joined us in writing on everything with it.
It was funny because talk turned to rednecks (for some reason) and Gillam had no idea what they were, so we tried to tell him what they are. A cafeteria lady actually mistook Joey for Gillam as exchange student because Joey was speaking broken French.

So Lives Ablaze was pretty much good times through and through.

funny

Class today was pretty good.
I kinda screwed up in the Christian friend department, but I know God forgives me and I'm determined to make it up anyway.
There's this guy in my class that, ever since monday, I've been thinking about how familiar he is. Well, today as I was walking through the hall, I told him to have a nice weekend as he was walking past. He stopped and asked me, "Do I know you from somewhere? You look so familiar!"
And I told him, "You know, I've been thinking that same thing about you!"
We thought for a minute.
"I've got it!" he said. "Didn't I see you at Dairy Queen?"
And then I remembered: all the way back in January, he had been the guy I ordered my birthday cake from!
I cannot believe he remembered me from back in January when we only talked for 5 minutes.
Isn't it funny how things can work out this way?

CNM

So I've finally gotten all of my CNM stuff straightened out. I was taking Intermediate Algebra, but today I dropped that class so that I can take a class to complete Intermediate and College Algebra in one semester. So I now have classes on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays from 1:30pm to 3:20pm, in addition to AWANA, piano, and Science Olympiad. And, of course, in addition to all of my regular school. I have too much on my plate right now.
It's kind of funny- my first day of class I just went to the normal Intermediate Algebra class (the class I had signed up for originally), and there were a lot of kids around my age in that class. They weren't very friendly. Then the next day I went to the Intermed/College class, and seriously more than half of the people there are over the age of 30 (hey, about as old as Mrs. Bork's piano!), and those people were actually pretty nice! I'm getting to know pretty well a lady (Carly) and two guys (Allen and Tom).
Another funny thing- in the first class I went to Tom cussed about every time he drew a breath to speak, because he can't understand the problems very well. Well, none of us in the group cuss, and I've noticed that he cusses noticeably less now. I suppose he's just one of those guys who repeats what he hears, and is subject to peer pressure. Maybe if he were always around people that never cuss, he wouldn't either. Hmm...
Allan is a funny guy. I only met him today. His reason for not coming into class yesterday is that he slept too late. The class starts at 1:30pm. He's taken Trig before, so he knows pretty much all the material. I asked him why he took this class again, and he told me he "got bored". And he really does know the material! He could teach the class. He drew cows and chickens most of class.
So far I pretty much like the class. But not the work.
I think I'll survive.
This semester, at least.

Im going to run away and join the circus

Yesterday was fine. Clinton was going to see Surf's Up with Alyssa, but I didn't have to go. I didn't want to. It looked so stupid.
We went to the library, I got some new music books, and mom bought me the blue tights I've been wanting from Forever 21.
Then she told me that I had to go to the movie with Clinton and Alyssa, or she wouldn't let him go. Which pretty much means that I have to go or he'll hate me forever.
Apparently she thinks that Clinton likes Alyssa and she likes him, and if they're in the movies alone together things might happen. Which is stupid. Stupid in 2 ways: 1) I'm pretty sure they're just friends, & 2) I'm the cure to cooties, so to speak. Mom always makes me be the third wheel because of precious Clinton.
I hate being the third wheel.
It's no fun. They didn't talk to me very much.
And it only makes me more aware that I'm not in a relationship.
Not that they are.
Nevertheless, it does.

I can say one thing, though- the movie wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

i miss mr. hatch

I had my first piano lesson with Mrs. Bork yesterday. She is my 4th piano teacher ever. 1 of the 3 I've had in only the past year. The other 2 moved away. Far away.
Outside of the Borks' front door theres a big plastic duck that's wearing a green cloth dress.
I don't like Mrs. Bork very much.
My last teacher, Mr. Hatch, has a little piano and short nails. He used to make his students wash their hands before starting the lesson. That way no one would get sick or grossed out at dirty keys. He knows almost everything there is to know about piano, and he has a fun teaching style and an unusual personality.
Mrs. Bork has long nails and a piano that's so old that it looks like the one from The Goonies. Practically.
The keys are like 5 different shades of brown and they're cracked and dirty. The black keys are dull, nicked, and rounded from use at the corners where they're supposed to be square-ish. Also, it is the strangest sounding piano I've ever played on. Needs tuning, I suppose.
Mrs. Bork has 6 kids. They were everywhere. In fact, she wasn't even there when we got to her house because she was picking some of them up. Her son answered the door. I knew him. I don't know his name, but I've definitely seen him before, at our church. He was polite, but ran up the stairs the minute I got in the door. Awkward.

I was thinking too, when I first met Mr. Hatch I didn't like him at all.
Just like I don't like Mrs. Bork.
But in the end, he turned out to be the best piano teacher I've ever had. He knew how to talk to people my age, since he taught choir at Cibola. I'm hoping that will happen with Mrs. Bork. I don't even know her very well yet. She could be different (there's no hope for her piano though. Maybe she'll buy a new one).
When Mr. Hatch left, I didn't feel sad or anything. Now I do.
I miss Mr. Hatch.

rachel's surprise party

Yesterday we threw a surprise party for our (the satellite team/rocket teams') bestest buddy and leader, Rachel Clements, since she's going off to New Mexico Tech and we wanted her to know how much we freakin' appreciate her! First, we went to Hinkle. She knew about that part. We played put-putt (which took about 2 hours with 9 people. groan), go-karts, and laser tag. It was so much fun because I'd never done go-karts or laser tag, and I realized how much fun they are! Afterward we all pretended to be sad and said "Good-bye" and "We'll miss you" and "Good luck at college!" to Rachel.
Then everyone went to Hoffmantown, and hid in a room. Rachel was supposed to "meet her mom at Hoffmantown" so Ryan drove her, and when she got up to the room she had a great surprise! She really liked the scrapbook we made her. There was pizza and soda and salad and cake. And we played Mao and Rush-and-Mass-Murder. Good times.
I also got a crazy sunburn. There are white lines on my shoulders from where I put on sunscreen, and red lines where I didn't. I think I should have put sunscreen on in a pattern. That would make life even more interesting.

cupcake dress

<---- Here is a picture from when Kris and I went crazy at the mall!

This was taken at Dillards.

It's of me in my favorite dress,

which I can't really afford.

I know something you do not!

Clinton and I are learning how to play ping-pong with our left hands. That way, when we go to play someone who is really good, we can play left handed, and then half-way through the game we can say, "I know something you do not!"
And the other person will say, "What is that"
And we will say, "I am not left handed!"
Then we'll toss our paddle from our left hand to our right hand, and brandish it.
Just like in The Princess Bride.
Only with paddles instead of swords.

Yesterday my friend Kristin and I were going to go watch Nancy Drew at the dollar movie. It was supposed to start at 11:15 am. Supposed to. When we got there there was a sign on the window that said the first showing would start at 1:30 pm. There were a lot of angry people there.
But Kristin and I didn't mind, we just went to the mall and found the craziest clothes and dresses and tried them on. It was good times.
The movie was pretty good, too.

leoplurodons!

The pinkie on my left hand is swollen and green. And also a little bit purple. That's because it got smashed in a microwave. But wait- it gets better! What were we microwaving?? Frozen t-shirts! Coolaid thought this would be a "great" game to play at her birthday party. It really turned out to be the worst game I've ever played. She dipped t-shirts in water and froze them, and whoever got theirs on the fastest won. I almost won. But I happened to get my finger slammed in the microwave door when we were doing our best to warm them up. So Evie ended up winning instead.
Guess what?? Yesterday Clinton, Kristin, Coolaid, and I all went to play volleyball at church. But it turns out that it's not just casual volleyball- it's a LEAGUE! So we ended up making a 6-week commitment to be in the league! It's so exciting, even though our team totally sucks, to be part of something like this. It's like, the league of extraordinary volleyball people! And our team name is: LEOPLURODON!! I think you may only get a kick out of this name if you've seen the Charlie the Unicorn video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5im0Ssyyus

Today I went to the mall with Coolaid, and she naturally had to go to the bathroom. So we were in the bathroom at Dillards (which is actually quite a nice bathroom) and I was sitting in the waiting area. I thought we were the only people in there. Suddenly I heard this loud grating metal sound that was very much like a small animal being squished and punctured to death. So I said (rather loudly), "COLLEEN, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU KILLING IN THERE?" and this unfamiliar voice said,
"Oh, it's just the toilet paper dispencer. It makes that noise when you pull the paper out."
It was quite embarrassing. Coolaid and I had a good laugh about it later.
It would be really amusing if that lady's name had been Colleen.

suckers (people and candy)

Today I went to my aunt's (mom's sister in law) sister's funeral. They are Catholic. I've been to lots of Catholic funerals. It can be entertaining, especially when the priest tells everyone to make a sign of peace to their neighbor. You're supposed to hug them or shake their hand and say, "Peace be with you," but my dad and I just give each other the peace sign.
One of the things that struck me was that they kept saying that Charlotte (the lady who died) was with God now and always will be safe in His kingdom. Well, everyone I've talked to about her has said she was a very awful person who did drugs and drank and was generally just an all-around mean person. I'm pretty sure she didn't believe in God, and yet this preacher was talking about how right now she's in purgatory being prepared for an eternity with God. Purgatory?! What the hay! Where did this come from? This is obviously just something they made up so that they can get into heaven more easily. The preacher (turns out he was just a deacon, actually) even quoted this Scripture that says people will be judged "those who have done good, to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil, to the resurrection of condemnation." Well, if thats really true then Charlotte shouldn't be going to heaven, should she? If these people are really believing some of this junk, they are suckers.
Well I was talking to my aunt after the service and she said that before Charlotte got out of prison the last time she made amends with her family and (sounded like) she pretty much went back to God. She may be in Heaven, she may not, but the point is that the whole Catholic system is still screwed up, no matter what happened to Charlotte. It makes me sad that this whole side of my family is Catholic. And that they pretty much don't care about God anyway.

But anyway, then we went and served chicken in like 100 degree weather, and didn't eat any. But I ate a tuna sandwich later, so I was happy.
And my piano teacher gave me a sucker (not that I was good, 'cause I pretty much sucked at my lesson today) and that made me more happy.

wish things hadn't changed

I feel so lost right now, because of what I experienced when I went to my cousin's birthday party last night. I miss the innocence of our childhood- I realize its all gone now, and everything just gets harder and harder as you get older. I remember when we were all kids we would have such great times playing hide-and-go-seek, and playing behind my grandma's adobe house. But last night everyone was cussing and using bedroom references, and I even saw while this guy I don't even know sneaked a bottle of Vodka to my cousin AJ. AJ turned and saw me looking at him (I think I was the only one who saw) and he just smiled.
"You didn't see anything, Amanda. Right?" he asked.
I glared at him and told him not to do anything stupid, but I don't think he heard me.
Poor AJ- he's one of my favorite cousins, as close to me as a brother. And he's so smart, too! But now he's going to go screw up his life, and I don't think I can bear to watch. Who knows what he did last night. Actually- I don't want to know.
It's so hard to grow up and realize you're the only one who still has her faith.
Possibly the only one who ever had any faith to begin with.
The highlight of last night was when my little cousin Andres (4 or 5 years) gave me a little frisbee he got from the pinata.

Please pray for my family. Everythings' just a bit screwed up right now.

go find your wedding clothes

A sum-up of last Thursday's group:

1) Noel read Matthew 22:1-14, where Jesus tells the story of the Wedding Banquet (that means heaven- just the way they put there makes it sound so beautiful). A lot of people are invited to the wedding banquet. In the end of the chapter, the king at the wedding finds this guy who is not wearing wedding clothes, and he asks him where they are.
The man didn't know what the heck the king was talking about.
So the king ordered his servants, "Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."
The next verse is everything: "For many are invited, but few are chosen."
Don't be the one who is invited and not chosen. God chooses you when you choose God. Go find your wedding clothes.

2) My Grandpa is dying. Last week he had two heart attacks (now a total of 3) and had to be hospitalized for 5 days. This is an awkward subject, but the problem is that I don't even know him very well (even though we go over there almost every week). So I don't really know how to feel about this, and it's kind of strange because its affecting everyone around me. We went to see him yesterday and he was walking around and stuff, but really- c'mon. The guy doesn't have that much time left on earth. So please pray for him, and please pray for me- so that I can know what I feel about him dying (getting the news was kind of sudden). Thank all you guys so much for praying and stuff. It makes me feel SO much better.

3) I was talking about this powder that you could make to use on your enemies that makes them fall asleep, and I described its consistency to be like anthrax. So now Rachel calls me Amanda-thrax. Which is pretty amusing. I've been trying to come up with one for her but I haven't yet.

NO MORE!!!

Ok, thats it. I'm not ever going to drink coffee ever again! Not that I normally drink it all the time... but yesterday my mom bought me this iced coffee thing from Borders, and since I don't normally drink coffee it did strange things to me. I was fine for about 2 hours after I drank it, but then I got so jumpy and skittish that I had to go outside and run around our backyard 10 times. And then I rode my bike. And then I did pull-ups on a tree branch. And then I ran through the sprinklers. By then it was time for dinner, and I was still so jumpy and hyper that I thought I was going to throw up until about midnight.

No more coffee.

Ever.

special

Earlier today we went to Mervyn's and volunteered with the Kiwanis Club (we're not actually in it though) to help guide underprivileged kids in spending $100 dollars that Mervyn's was giving them. So we just got this piece of paper that said what the kid needed most: school uniforms, socks, underwear, shoes... etc. I had a TON of fun 'cause the girl I was assigned to (Amanda, who is 11) was sooo crazy cool! She and I had a bunch of fun picking out her school clothes. She was not afraid to go up and ask people for help finding stuff; and she is very easy to talk to, which is good for me.
After that we (me, Clinton, and Hayley Sparks) went to Keva Juice. I wanted to wash my hands, so I went down the hall to the bathroom, which i found locked. When I went back up the hall, there was a girl at the end with a blender. "Did you need the key to use the bathroom?" she asked. She held out the blender, which I discovered had a key chained to it.
So I had to carry the blender with me to the bathroom, much to the amusement of Clinton and Hayley, and to my own.

death by stoning

Earlier today we went to the library to pick up holds (Yay!! I got New Moon, sequel to Twilight!!). Clinton and I went to the Teen Favorites section, and we were picking out all the mushy, strange, and crazy book titles. Clinton picked up a book entitled My Life of Love and Romance (or something like that...) and said, "If I ever read this everyone would stone me."
"It would be very painful to be pounded with stones" I commented.
"I wouldn't be pounded with stones," he said, "there are other ways to die by being stoned!"
My brother and I sometimes have very strange conversations. But it's very fun to be with him; he makes me laugh.