wish things hadn't changed

I feel so lost right now, because of what I experienced when I went to my cousin's birthday party last night. I miss the innocence of our childhood- I realize its all gone now, and everything just gets harder and harder as you get older. I remember when we were all kids we would have such great times playing hide-and-go-seek, and playing behind my grandma's adobe house. But last night everyone was cussing and using bedroom references, and I even saw while this guy I don't even know sneaked a bottle of Vodka to my cousin AJ. AJ turned and saw me looking at him (I think I was the only one who saw) and he just smiled.
"You didn't see anything, Amanda. Right?" he asked.
I glared at him and told him not to do anything stupid, but I don't think he heard me.
Poor AJ- he's one of my favorite cousins, as close to me as a brother. And he's so smart, too! But now he's going to go screw up his life, and I don't think I can bear to watch. Who knows what he did last night. Actually- I don't want to know.
It's so hard to grow up and realize you're the only one who still has her faith.
Possibly the only one who ever had any faith to begin with.
The highlight of last night was when my little cousin Andres (4 or 5 years) gave me a little frisbee he got from the pinata.

Please pray for my family. Everythings' just a bit screwed up right now.