1000000000000000000000000299993838388888 days of summer.

its almost been a month since my last post.

there hasnt been much to say. summer is awesome and way more exciting than winter, because school and work dominate my time.

some interesting things ive done this summer:

made pocket pals

started up a youtube channel with josh http://www.youtube.com/user/ThisHorribleVlog

swam (waded more like) in the rio grande

went to a concert (scream the prayer)

broke (pretty sure anyway) my finger playing ninja

got the job at bostons

got a car

dyed my hair blue

house-sat

had rooftop water balloon fights

ate smores

watched all the Harry Potter movies and read the first 3 books

got a new phone.

so far, it has been pretty amazing. i guess theres about 2 weeks left of summer; i dont really know when school starts, which is probably not a very good thing :P

i need to buy school books...

and start studying for my Math 180 class since ive not taken math for about 3 years.

so im a little rusty.

i bought the 500 days of summer soundtrack, the special edition one. i love zooey deschanel's cover of sugar town, and also that song you make my dreams come true. also i love regina spektor.

i need to clean my room.

josh is going backpacking this weekend.

i love him.

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What I want, youve got
And it might be hard to handle
But like the flame that burns the candle
The candle feeds the flame
What Ive gots full stock of thoughts and dreams that scatter
You pull them all together
And how, I cant explain
But you make my dreams come true

A Thousand Angry Panthers!

i recently got bradley hathaway's newest ep 'A Thousand Angry Panthers', and have been listening to it constantly.

i love it! its so different from his old stuff, but definitely still bradley. The ep consists of four songs rather than poems, but all the songs have the essence of bradley's poetic qualities. Each song tells a story. It is very easy to listen to.

Also, to me it feels smoother than his last album, 'A Mouth Full of Dust'. For one thing, the music is very well put together in 'A Thousand Angry Panthers'- not to say it isnt in A Mouth Full of Dust, but I think A Thousand Angry Panthers was produced better. Bradley's voice has also been fine tuned into a smoother version of what it used to be.

Overall, i'm very happy with it. Bradley has such a way with words; the tone and expression of his music convey such emotion and thought. i am very impressed. Can't wait for more!

A Thousand Angry Panthers tracks:

1)she was raised by a man with a sickness

2)carolina

3)would you think less of me

4)the world is screaming

you can get it on itunes or here: http://bradleyhathaway.storenvy.com/

other albums available are 'A Mouth Full of Dust' and 'The Thing That Poets Write About, The Thing That Singers Sing About.'

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you know i'd fight 1000 angry panthers screaming in the night

if it meant you'd be safe, sound, and alright

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i want a mandrake.

if you get that, you are possibly as addicted to harry potter as i am.

im almost done with the chamber of secrets, and last night laura and i watched the order of the phoenix. also apparently the filming for the next harry potter movie was finished today, so its coming out sometime in november.

i have been complaining at work a lot. in spite of this, i realize it is WAY better than subway! There is so much more work involved, and stress too, but i prefer that to doing nothing and watching the clock to see if another hour has passed, and counting how many hours until I can leave. im so thankful!

i had mint/chocolate swirl fro-yo at keva the other day. it is officially my new favorite.

also, after watching the order of the phoenix, i think that helena bonham (who played beatrix) is my favorite actress. She was phenominal in fight club, and she was my favorite character in alice in wonderland.

im thinking about being the red queen for halloween, actually. it would be really complicated though.

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things that josh and i love:

1) vlogging

2) road trips

3) fight club

4) comic book stores

(especially Astro Zombies!)

5) frozen yogurt

6) adult swim

7) taco bell

8) dailybooth

9) reading

10) surprises

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you know i would fight 1000 angry panthers in the night

if it meant you'd be safe, sound, and alright.

im drowning in my sleep

i get called lots of names at work.

not anything bad, just stuff like 'darlin', ' honey', 'sweetie', 'babe', 'girlie', 'lady', 'woman'. its weird. maybe they don't know my name?

the only one i really mind is sweetie or sweetheart. it always comes out condescending to me, as if i am five years old or something.

i really like this job, except for old habits that are hard to shake. I keep telling people to enjoy their sandwich no matter what they've ordered. i told a lady to enjoy her sandwich right after i handed her a bowl of pasta.

today i got an apron with lotsa pockets in it and one of those little pads that you take orders down on. Also i know how to put orders into the computer where they are automatically sent to the kitchen to cook, and i know how to ring people up. I can pretty much do everything myself, except when things get busy i feel like im slacking off even though im working really hard, because every table is always needing something else and i feel like im always slow getting it for them.

but all in all, i lurve this job. and i lurve my apron, because it makes me feel official.

also i lurve all the free food i get.

yum.

laura and i have been having a continual harry potter movie marathon. so far we are on harry potter and the goblet of fire, which we're watching tomorrow. i never followed harry potter much, but now im pretty excited about it.

all ive wanted to listen to lately has been underoath, fleet foxes, and modest mouse.

nothing much else has been happening. i feel like my life has turned into getting up, going to work (which is a place where time disappears and i just leave when they tell me to) and then trying to find things to do to fill in the rest of the time.

thats not hard though, with harry potter marathons, dinner with friends, hanging out with josh, small group, pocket pals, and skip-bo/uno nights with my family.

life is good.

i am happy.

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So hold your head up high and know
It's not the end of the road
Walk down this beaten path before
You pack your things and head home
At the end of the road
You'll find what you've been longing for
I know 'cause my feet have the scars to show
I was lost with vague direction and no place to call home

At the end of the road

You'll find what you've been longing for

taze eric.

so i didn't get the tsa job. i couldnt pass the intro test. it was freakin hard!

there were two parts to it. the first half was all about english. it was basically a much easier version of the SAT. i actually think i got every question right.

the second half was an x-ray assesment where you have to identify random objects in a bag that went through an x-ray machine. this was hard because the objects never looked like they were supposed to. through an x-ray, a cell phone looks like a bunch of wires and circuits. try looking for that in a bag jam-packed with a bunch of crap. also there was only 15 seconds to look for it.

so that job fell through. it ended up being ok though, because a few weeks ago one of my regular customers at subway basically offered me a job as a server at Boston's Gourmet Pizza. I start tomorrow, actually.

Tomorrow is also my last day at subway. its so weird... ive been working there for over a year and now i will finally be free of it.

it was fun at times, but i want something more intense.

i still have not gotten the license for my car.

this last week i house-sat for a friend, so it was basically filled with hanging out and having fun. i watched a lot of movies and played alladin on nintendo, jumped on the trampoline, fed the chinchilla raisins, and went swimming. it was awesome.

they have a pug named daisy, but i named it troll instead because it is really ugly and snores. by the end of the week, it was responding to that name.

hehe.

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You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

perpetual motion machine.

basically, this is what is happening.

-- i finished school on the 11th of May. anthropology almost killed me, but i ended up getting a B. pwned!

i got all B's and an A in art history.

-- two days ago i bought a car. it is a 2002 black honda accord, and i love it.

i bought it from a little old mexican man with a moustache, cowboy hat, and snakeskin boots. he is 74 years old.

now i dont have to rely on anyone for a ride. i feel free.

-- i applied for this TSA job at the alb. sunport. They accepted my application, and now i have to go take a computer test on the 26th of May, and if i pass it i basically get the job. if i get it, i would be 1) waving a metal detector wand over people as they go through security, 2) looking through people's luggage to see if they have bombs or weapons, 3) looking at the contents of peoples luggage through an x-ray machine, or 4) dressing as a plain-clothes security person and monitoring people's behavior.

i am excited. i really, really am hoping and praying i get this.

-- now im just waiting. reading. surfing the internet. working.

took off work for evies wedding on the 24th. so this is weird, right? a wedding. now everyone is going to start getting married and stuff.

thats ok. i really love weddings.

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6 things:

- i want to go see modest mouse this summer.

- i have a goal to only shop mainly at consignment and thrift shops so that i do not contribute so much to sweat shops and unfair treatment in the workplace.

- i love my flip flop tan.

- i just read memoirs of a geisha. it was good.

- i have always wanted to be a bridesmaid.

- i cannot wait until laura gets back from japan.

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stars shining bright above you

night breezes seem to whisper,

"i love you"

birds singing in the sycamore tree;

dream a little dream of me.

edit the sad parts

if there is anything that i believe, it is that God makes everything happen for a reason.
no matter how terrible things are, or seem to be, God is going to make everything beautiful again.
it may take days, or years.

i am stuck at a my job to be there for my co-workers.

people die so that people can be saved.

people break up because God has someone more amazing in mind.

people move away for new opportunities.


i have seen it time and time again. I have been crushed by certain things, but filled with understanding later.

it is always worth it.


if life weren't hard, then God wouldn't be so amazing.


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im gonna shake myself right out the door
im gonna take myself when its finally over
im gonna let my own bad self take over
im gonna move my arm without my shoulder.

...............................

i am going out of my mind.


and thats all.

i figured it out

i was in a super crappy mood today and yesterday.

this must be why-

1) signing up for classes. first you look at what you want to take, realize that's not what you need, then sign up for 15 credits of torture and have to PAY for it. not fair!

2) finals. need i say more?

3) extra credit work. though this helps with #2, good grades don't come without a price. this price is time, and in one case, money.

4) work. if i want a car, i need to have thousands of dollars. but then i have to sign up for classes. and eat. bye bye money, hello fewer hours due to finals.

5) people leaving. but its not that bad, really. this is not forever.

6) lack of sleep. work, finals, and extra credit cut into my sleep time. no sleep for me is not a happy time for everyone else, because i can get really mean.

really really mean.

7) stress from all of the above.

usually my bad moods don't last longer than a few days, so hopefully tomorrow will be all better :)

i don't know where to begin.

life is crazy.

i think that is mainly God's fault.

(not that im blaming you, God. i actually really love you a lot.)

I have spent about the last month spending as much time as i could with Danielle, because she was moving.

has moved.

I went over and we packed boxes and i told her she didn't need to pack all her scarves (among other things), but gave in when she asked what she would do if a hot guy in a convertable drove up and asked her to ride with him. Hot guys+ rides in convertables apparently = scarves.

we went to goodwill and buffalo exchange. also we flirted with a bald guy in a convertable. yes, danielle wore a scarf.

last thursday i got up at 5 am to drive her and lola to the airport. as we were leaving danielles house, i had a sentimental moment closing the door. That house has nothing but happy memories from me. I went over when i had a bad day or when i felt like it, and it was comfortable and always made me feel good. I housesat there, and i had sleepovers there for small group. i took one last look inside as i shut the door.

i love that house.

i got up and drove and lugged 2 huge duffel bags to the check-in counter at the airport. that is how much i love danielle.

nonetheless, 5 am is way too early for driving, carrying heavy luggage, and goodbyes.

cause when we actually parted ways, i was just like, seeya. ZzZzZzZzZzZZZZzz.

haha.

and now... its happening again.

another amazing friend moving in only a month.

but im just laughing at God. im not angry with him or anything, of course.

not at all, because im not scared. ill see everyone again someday, in heaven. and here, because there will be roadtrips and visits and talking and laughing.

i spent the month of April preparing for Danielle to leave, and i will spend the month of May preparing for another incredible girl to leave.

it wont be easy, but it makes me laugh. and cry, but mostly laugh. so if youre reading this, like i know you are, i just want you to know that i love you.

lots lots lots.

also i am jealous of you, but in a good way, because you are so lucky :)

an end is always also a beginning.

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You lose control when you hold too tight,
And turn your head long enough to let it bite.

faith left me staring at the ceiling through the night.
It's freaking me out.

And when I fell asleep, it plagued my dreams,
And 30 bits of glass had become my teeth.
They were breaking each and every time I tried to speak.
It's freaking me out.

im crossing my fingers and toes

I know its probably weird that im excited about having bought some of these tampons today:
but have you seen the ads for them? theyre so funny. people are afraid to talk about periods and blood diapers, but really when every girl has a period its not a big deal. its only a big deal if you let it be, and i never have.

Also i like that the packaging is black with bold pink, blue, and orange, instead of the generic baby blue or pink, or soft green. Just because having a period is supposed to be soft and girly doesnt mean we have to use lame products.

the first commercial i saw for these babies, i was like heeeeck yes.

i know im weird, but i dont care.

I want to have gi-had wars again sometime soon. We used to do that last year, where we'd get stockings and put flour in the feet and tie the ends off, and then play some weird capture the flag type game and hit each other with them super hard. everyone got all floury and occaisonally the stockings would burst open and spurt flour everywhere.

and then we would all go down to walgreens and get arizona tea. it was good times.

im getting a tan now because my teacher has been having class outside since the weather's been so nice. but since my flip flop tan is coming back, im wondering if the bird tattoos on my feet are such a good idea... instead i kinda want to get buttons being sewn on my back. I could pick all my favorite buttons, have someone draw em up in a random order, and have a needle and thread coming from one! i love the idea, and its so original. there were zero results for button tattoos on google images. good ones anyway.

also i want to get my tragus peirced. so many body modifications, so little money!

today i applied at target. i think my application looked pretty good. the only open position was floor-watcher-person. i dont remember the real name. basically you stand by the registers and help customers, ring people up, and get stuff from the back for employees and customers. im crossing my fingers and toes that i get it.

lately ive been feeling that im inadequate and pathetic, with no direction and no future. i am a real loser.

but jesus is for losers right?

im alright.

i got an etsy. http://www.etsy.com/shop/illeachoo

check it out, if you like.

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i had a rusty spade,but im not the fighting sort.

if i were samson, i'd have found that harlots' blade

and cut my own hair short!

in a market dimly lit,

i come casually to pay.

you see, my coins are counterfeit,

but you accept them anyway.

new soul

the happiest times of my life:

1) swimming at lauras old house in the 6th grade.

2) when bryan said i was his favorite cousin

3) the day we got Zia.

4) when Xanadu danced next to me at the M88 prom.

5) one night in the 4th grade after mom painted my room lavendar and i sat on my bed reading the Wind in the Willows.

6) the trampoline mosh pit at marissas birthday party

7) when i realized God wanted me to go to portland.

8) when underoath played too bright to see too loud to hear as an encore song.

9) the night josh told me he loved me, and danielle gave me my graduation present.

10) dinner right after graduation with my family, laura, and josh.

11) any time ive made pocket pals.

.................

..........................................

..............................................................

seriously.

this could go on and on and on and on and on.

i need to find a way to condense this. or make another list, and another.

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When you told me you didn't need me anymore
Well you know I nearly broke down and cried
When you told me you didn't need me anymore
Well you know I nearly fell down and died

"you have a decent ear for notes, but you can't yet appreciate harmony."

* a lot of people i know have been turning 21 recently. There are a lot of pictures of them with glasses of alcohol. im seeing a trend.

I decided i will pass on that one.

* today i realized that i am going to be 20 next. and im very excited to be in my 20's, but its bittersweet because the teenage years will be over. i enjoyed em from 17 up.

but it will be nice to be associated with an older age group, and taken more seriously at times.

* i want to get my tragus pierced. but i also want bird tattoos on my feet and red hair.

stuff costs money.

* put in my application at barnes and noble. hope i get hired. its kind of iffy since the lady who took my application later saw me lounging in a chair reading calvin and hobbes. not very professional i guess...

* hung out with Danielle today. we packed a bunch of stuff and joked around and talked about serious stuff. and God. its going to be weird not having her here this summer; i was planning on biking over there lots.

she said her heart was heavy, and mine is too. but our hearts arent heavy in the normal way i guess.

my heart is filled with her understanding and advice, and all the times weve had talking and laughing are jam-packed into the spaces as some of my favorite memories. then she's leaving, and thats the heaviest matter of all. the weight of good and bad is enough to put a hole in my chest.

there is no doubt God wanted her in my life. i cant wait till she gets back :)

* instead of talking about my ugly jealousy, insecurities, and petty fears, i will pray that God helps me through it.

* i want to go see the manchester orchestra in may.

* i am falling asleep.

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Phony prophets stole the only light I knew
And the darkness softly screams
Holy visions disapear from my view
But the angles come back and laugh in my dreams
I wonder what it means

you are my lucky star.

i am sick.

i hate being sick.

it sucks. plus i dont feel like doing anything, including studying for my exam tomorrow.

which i haven't studied at all for yet, by the way.

also i think i took too many night-time cold meds, because i fall asleep for a few minutes every once in awhile.

must. stay. awake.

must. study.

yesterday josh picked me up and took me to his house. It was good medicine.

we laughed about how his dad bought chevrolet floor mats for his GMC truck, and becky kissed my forehead to see if i had a fever. I drank NyQuil at 4:30 in the afternoon and we watched the nature channel until i fell asleep, and when i woke up 2 hours later and started to feel really sick, josh covered me in blankets and kissed my cheek and sat next to me and talked. He made me hot cocoa and put a box of tissues within reach, and told me im pretty even when im sick.

he is my lucky star.

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lemonade.

Ive decided I really like where I am in life, right now.

*I am out of high school, and can start working more toward things that actually matter to me, school-wise.

I finally know what I want out of life, and finally know what I want to do with my life. I know who I want to be, and I know how I want to look- and im pursuing those things.

I am finally comfortable enough with myself to freely make friends and do what I want. I get embarrassed less easily; things come easier now. I don't care as much about little things, and it's refreshing.

I have fewer friends, but they are all very close. Fewer friends means less drama, and less people to deal with my drama. People I trust.

Things with my parents are better- we know how to talk to each other now. I see more of their requests as optional, and they are coming to respect that (i think).

I have the best boyfriend ever, and I finally understand why God made me wait all those years to find him.

It's totally worth it.

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Take a leaf of paper and draw your mind,
Your bourbon brown that can burn my eyes,
I lost your presence underneath the bridge

Lock the door, let's talk it out,
Against the wall, hands on my mouth,
Could this be it, is it really over now?

if you say no, then no it will be.

just stick it at our skin pierced with colly strings

part this red sea, tell me to rise. put dirt and spit in my eyes.

My headphones are broken. When I listen to music with them, I can't hear singing, only instruments. And i can't hear anything if im on youtube.

So I am listening to GIANTS, because there is no singing, and i really really like it.

I had a really good weekend. Friday was stressful because I had two papers due and homework due and an observing project for Astronomy that I probably should have done.

but hey, 3 out of 4 aint bad.

After school, the mom of one of my friends from high school came by to visit my mom. It was cool because I got to hear about all of my old friends who I never get to talk to anymore. I realized that I haven't seen any of the kids I did school with in highschool in a whole year. Its weird, I used to see these people 5 days a week and now i havent seen them in a year.

We've been getting a lot of graduation cards in the mail, which makes me excited because a lot of my old friends are graduating and they look so nice in their graduation photos and I am going to see them all graduate on the 28th! cant wait.

i bought some bold teal nail polish. it makes me happy.

On saturday morning I shoveled rock for a friend for 3 hours. At the time, it seemed like a good idea. I thought I could work as hard and as fast as everyone else, and i did, but now i can barely move.

and so i realized that i am very weak.

also i got a giant splinter and i cut it out of my hand with my pocket pal scissors.

dont worry, i washed 'em.

Laura came to visit on saturday! I hadn't seen her since Christmas. We did everything she wanted- microwaved peeps, visited Evie on her dinner break at the mall, went to Forever 21 and hobby lobby, colored easter eggs, and went to see The Book of Eli at the dollar theater.

It made me soooo happy.

now she's gone again, and won't be back until the 29th of May, because she is going to Japan for 3 weeks after school ends.

I had to work yesterday. I don't know why my boss kept the store open for easter, but it wasn't a very good decision. He actually lost money from it, because we had to throw away bread at the end of the day and not enough people came in to balance out the amount he had to pay us. About 20 people came in the entire time i was there (4.5 hours). It was very boring.

josh came and visited me and brought me chocolate covered strawberries, and then i called my boss and convinced him to let us close the store an hour early, and we went to josh's house and watched 500 days of summer.

we are in love with it.

we are in love with each other.

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It was the look on your face that told me you've always cared.
And i'll try to know youre safe and maybe that will make me sound.
And this i know dear, my heart smiles when you're near.

it's a golden day, and tomorrow's coming up.
i'll take the bright,bright branches of lovely moments,
And in the morning, i'll gather all the hope that's on my window,
and place it inside.

i'll follow the sun

On days like this, I like to turn on my little red glass lamp that I got at IKEA, turn out all the other lights, and look at it. It reminds me of Oregon. While I was there, every day was cloudy like this, and i sat in my room curled in a ball on my bed, turned on this lamp and looked at the red light it gave out and the bird silhouette it cast on the wall.

Josh's mom bought his grandma a puppy. did i tell you this?

shes a pomeranian/chihuahua mix, but its cuter than either breed. her name is Jingle, but everyone calls her puppy because we all knew her before she was named. She likes to bounce straight up in the air and climb over peoples legs when they are sitting on the floor.

I am annoyed at my anthropology professor because he has not posted the grades for the last exam. I took it about two weeks ago!

i just wanna know if i pwned it, already. sheesh.

I hit my elbow on the cash register at work last week. It was quite painful. My arm was sore for three days, and now sometimes i will be sewing or writing or something and my fingers will randomly pop really painfully.

i got some shoes and sewed buttons on them. and now theyre my favorite.

i like regina spektor's music, but her face kinda scares me.

Clintons home on spring break.

i wish unm was still on break, because right now i should really be writing my 2000 word literary analysis of jhumpa lahiri's The Namesake (including 3 or more articles that relate to the subject!). and i dont wanna write it.

so you know that friend that stayed with me while my parents were in oregon? well, her family is going out of town for 11 days in June, and they want me to watch their house for them. I get to stay there and take care of their 4 dogs and 1 chinchilla! im excited about the chinchilla, because they are cute and furry.

plus they have a trampoline and several movies, so theres stuff to do there. And they said they would buy me food, not to mention pay me $500 for staying there! its pretty much too good to be true.

but im hoping it still is :)

another thing to look forward to is April 4th. Know what April 4th is?

if you answered "easter", you would be correct.

if you answered "josh and amanda's 1 year anniversary," you would also be correct.

I am going to make him a stained glass crayon heart card, which im excited about because 1) i love crayons, 2) i love hearts, 3) theyre so much fun to make.

seriously.

its gunna be awesome.

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I ride my bike, I roller skate, don't drive no car 

Don't go too fast, but I go pretty far

 For somebody who don't drive, I been all around the world 

Some people say I've done all right for a girl

Let me be a lighthouse, shining on the sea

I got a myspace yesterday morning.

then 30 minutes later, I realized that I would probably never get on it.

turns out, myspace is very uninteresting.

I wore flip-flops yesterday. In the summer, i either live in flip-flops or go barefoot. Of course, that puts my feet at risk- like yesterday when i sliced my foot on the metal corner of the change-holder thing in josh's truck.

and when we decide to do a photoshoot for the clothing company at the base of the mountains where there are lots of stickers and cactus.

its totally worth it though.

this spring break im having a hard time doing all the things i said i wanted to.

-i have not made any pocket pals

-i have not gotten a car

-i have not cleaned my room

-i have not made a pair of shorts

-i have not gone on a bike ride

-i have not read any books

sad right? Im always tired these days because I never do anything. I can't bring myself to, sometimes.

Im not working with Grant tonight, which makes me sad. i love working with grant. the time just flies by.

i need to go do something now, because i am bored. and that can always be fixed.

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I met up with the king
He confessed his body was burning
I met up with the king
His body had begun to rot
And he said

"don't think less of me
I'm still the same man I used to be"

i was walking with a ghost- i said, "please, please don't insist."

i pwned my anthropology tests noob today.

i think.

im a really terrible test taker. this is my method-

first, i procrastinate. I start studying the day before, or if im really ambitious, two days before. (I think that for this test, i started studying 3 days before.) (but the reason for that is not that i was really really ambitious, but that I got a 71 on the first test and knew i had to step it up a little.)

To make up for the procrastination, I stay up till 3-4 in the morning studying, and then wake up early and study more. Then I take the test. The first questions are always easy; if they're not i skip them and come back to them when im in the test-taking mind zone, which is a place i need to take myself if i want to get a good grade.

about halfway through the test, I start second guessing myself. I might go back and switch the answers to some questions ( i know, i know... totally against the advice to 'go with your first instinct' from all those SAT practice books). When I finish the test, I think i did amazingly well. If i know i didnt, i dont care because its over. That lasts about half an hour, and then i start to worry I failed. Then i forget about it until I get the results. If i did well, i celebrate. if i did badly, i thank God that the teacher drops the lowest grade, because i know i can step it up for the next exam. (ex.: remember how i pwned my anthro tests noob today?)

thats how my brain works when it comes to test taking.

Right now, Im in that last stage of forgetfulness for 2 of my exams, and the stage of procrastination for art history tomorrow. In fact, ive studied maybe an hour for it. maybe. but theres always after i finish this blog. And tomorrow morning. and the bus ride to school.

cant wait till its over.

wish me luck! :)

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No matter which way you go
No matter which way you stay
You're out of my mind, out of my mind
I was walking with a ghost
I said please, please don't insist

God if your love can peirce me with an arrow, through my stubborn heart and marrow

i dont know if this is an off- day or what.
maybe i just didn't get enough sleep last night.
its probably just that im blowing out my mind and stressing about the 3 exams i have this week and work and not having finished my taxes yet.
in fact, i am not absolutely certain of the location of my tax documents. ahem. yeah.

I've been reading lots of my anthropology textbook to prepare for the exam thursday. its actually pretty interesting. A chapter i read today was about the linguistics department of anthropology, and it was talking about people that teach gorillas sign language. So i decided thats what i want to do when i grow up. i will raise a gorilla from infancy and teach it over 700 ASL signs.

My classes each let out about 45 minutes early today, so i got done around 11:30. On my way to the bus, i was walking by the Art building wishing that I was good enough to get in, or that they would just let me mess around with all the supplies inside. I stopped and looked up at the building, not really noticing anything particularly artsy or stunning about it architecturally. so i climbed up the steps to go in, even though its not my department. I just wanted a look, so i peeked in windows at all the pottery wheels and paintings taped up to walls, sculptures on display in window boxes and greenware vases and piggy banks and plates and figurines on trays ready to go into the kiln. I miss ceramics. I think i will pick it up again during the summer, if i have enough money.

Im going to get a new job. Im going to a job fair on the 23rd and maybe someone will be sympathetic of my 10 month employment at subway and hire me out of pity.

also i am going to get a car soon. relatively soon.
hopefully soon?

Josh and i are going to start making video blogs after i get a car. and after we get a camera, of course. I cant wait. its going to be kind of like shaytards. http://www.youtube.com/user/SHAYTARDS
the shaytards have made a video every day for 365 days and theyre not stopping.

only tonight left, then tomorrow and the next day and the next morning till spring break.
yay.


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The world is alive now, in and outside our home
You run through the forest, settle before the sun
Darling, I can barely remember you beside me
You should come back home, back on your own now

creature fear

I dont know about you, but i was really looking forward to seeing this movie. So i was really excited when i came home from school a couple days ago and my mom gave me two premier tickets. She had gone to get the book for my brother for easter (i guess because theres a bunny involved), and the lady just gave her the tickets. for free.
And my parents don't really like the story of alice in wonderland, or johnny depp, or anything tim burton-esq, so they gave the tickets to me.
It was really very good. I enjoyed it a lot. Go see it.
i love disney.

Things are really good. My parents are so much more relaxed, and so am I. Today my mom and I are going shopping. We are going to spend time together, and hopefully not fight or anything. But its good, because we are trying. And so far, nothing bad has happened.
I come home after 11pm most nights, and they've not said anything about it. Sometimes they are in bed sleeping when i get home, which i like a lot for some reason- i guess cause they trust that I will come home, and will not have been doing anything illegal or wrong, and know i will be quiet and not wake them up when i get back. And they don't worry as much that something will happen to me, which i now understand is really hard.
I love them for trying.

Also I am only working 3 day weeks now, which is a lot better than the 5 day weeks i was doing. It was way too hard. it was hard to get school done, or cleaning, or anything. The only thing I will miss about it is the money, haha.
but hey, i have enough for a car now. my dad and i are looking on craigs list, because thats where my brother got his car. It was a good deal, and a very good car. hopefully soon it will be my turn.

ive been doing 100 sit-ups in the morning and sometimes at night so i can lose my extra manda. and soon i will go on bike rides every day, and im getting ready to make shorts out of my old winter pants. Cant wait to wear tank tops every day, and wear out another pair of flip flops. Its getting warmer every day, and flowers are blooming and its getting darker later.
and tomorrow josh and i will have been together for 11 months. yay!
<3 (have you ever listened to bon iver? im addicted to him and the beatles) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I’ve got this habit I abhor
when we go out, I’m always watching the door
as if there’s someone I’m going to see
who could out do the things that you do to me.

since I was made, ive been leaving
I'd say ive changed, but i wouldnt believe it
its cause my legs, they don't forget
when they find a way out, theyll always take it.