little houses

woke up bright and early today to go to Rachels. just another wednesday, though today that class actually ended early.

so i went to josh's house. he says he makes the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the world, and not far off. he made cookies too, how much better could it get?
God knows exactly what i need when i need it.
speaking of which, class was canceled again. life is good.

the other day mom asked me if my boyfriend was at the funeral, and i told her no. i dont think i even told josh when the funeral was.
Apparently someone in the family came up to her and told her my boyfriend was there, how they would know i have no earthly idea. they dont know what he looks like or anything. mom wouldnt tell me who it was. i just laughed it off then, but today i talked to bryan and he said someone told him that my boyfriend was at the funeral and i was kind of annoyed that whoever it is was making assumptions about nothing. everyone in the family is such a gossip.
then mom told me that whoever it is was saying that i was taking a step in the wrong direction by having a boyfriend, and that soon i will end up like all of them- unmarried with children.
i am so tired of it, so annoyed. I cant think of anyone at the funeral they could have thought was my boyfriend, and anyway it is not a step in the wrong direction to date. ive been praying for this for a long long time, ive been through pain and indifference, and i strongly believe that this is right. this is from God.
time with josh is pure and sweet. the only thing i can compare it to is holding a baby. you might think thats weird if youve never held one, but when you do you'll see what i mean.
relationships like ours arent meant to be handled so roughly as those of my family.
i dont know what else to say about it. im just super irritated at this person.
maybe its a good thing i dont know who it is.

my aunt and uncle are in town, the ones that live in florida and go deep sea fishing. Uncle Larry has dark, leathery skin and looks like he'd be at home looking out over the waves.
they brought us some fish that was caught on sunday.
they came out for my graduation on friday. whooo.

(maybe i should start sleeping more than 5 hours a night.)

ive been getting checks in the mail, for my graduation.
im thinking car.

went to hobby lobby today and got a new bandanna.
little things like that make me really happy, dont know why.
ive just been seeing God in the little things lately. He is in every little thing.
at awana they asked the question, how is your life different after becoming a christian? and thats what i said, that now i see Him everywhere, in everything. Its so much easier to get through the hard things, like grandpa dying and richard being sent away and people talking about me behind my back. i even see God even in those things, and i know they came from him. i dont know why, but its easy to trust God anyway.
i saw God when i got my bandanna, when i bought suckers, when i ate a cookie, when josh hugged me, when class was cancelled, when i listened to eisley as i drove.
i love where i am right now.


Music:
i got a brand new pair of roller skates (you got a brand new key)
what this means to me- i see stars
every new day- five iron frenzy.

man verses himself
man verses machine
man verses the world
mankind verses me
the struggles go on
the wisdom i lack
the burdens keep piling
up on my back
so hard to breathe
to take the next step
the mountain is high
i wait in the depths
yearning for grace
and hoping for peace
dear God, increase.