no one said it would be easy

i think God is making fun of me.

A few weeks ago, my mom was pestering me about signing up for scholarships. I had just missed the deadline on one of them, and she got frustrated and said, "what, you dont like free money?"
and i got angry and said, "no, i dont like free money."
dad had signed Clinton and me up for the Intel scholarship a couple months ago. Clinton got $4,000 and i got nothing. I was happy for him, then i was kind of angry and like, why didn't i get anything? and then i randomly thought of the conversation i'd had with my mom and i started laughing. Yep, once again God is showing me that im an idiot.
bittersweet.

I should be writing an essay about the relationship between Jane and John in Gilman's short story The Yellow Wallpaper.
but im not.

Ian is staying here again, for a couple days. He and Clinton are fixing cars at church right now.
He cut his hair. Its like the haircut that Evie and i used to call 'chicken butt' haircuts. i didnt say anything though. dont worry.

Thought we were gonna go see my grandpa today, but i guess not. It's like my parents don't want me to see him. They are keeping so many secrets from me; its as if im not a member of the family, just some random person staying in their house.
if i was, i probably would have moved out already.

im just glad Clinton is home. now i have someone to talk to.



Todays Theme Music:
nobody sings anymore- manchester orchestra
everybody here is a cloud- cloud cult
no one said it would be easy- cloud cult