in my life

my parents are back.

for good.

it just hit me a few days ago. i was upset for awhile. i still am, a little. but its okay. things are better now, so far. mom doesn't get all upset when i want to go out and stay out late, as long as i don't wake anyone up when i get home. i spend more time with them too, because i know it makes them happy. i guess being apart made all of us learn a lot about each other. which is weird, because you'd think we'd have to be together for that. But now we are more committed to making each other happy, which is all we needed the whole time.

i guess i was just selfish before. we all were.

today is the first day i feel better about it. i still feel lost not having a car, and having to have a ride to school in the mornings, not being able to sit on the counters, strange music playing when i come home from school, josh not being around so much, not being able to walk naked in the hall to get a towel when i realize theres not one in the bathroom. but today is better, and tomorrow will be better and better and better.

today after school josh came over and 'argued' with my mom about tattoos. which was kind of entertaining. its funny- i have no idea what my parents impression of him is, and i really dont care. they'll get used to him, i think.

then i went to evies house and we watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. every time i see it i love it more.

and we got to talk and burn incense and watch the smoke swirl around the room and think about what seemed like ages ago, in high school, sharing hotel rooms and stuff for awana events and hanging out every summer. we thought about how we've changed this last year, or maybe we didn't change and just did all the things we've been wanting to. i know i did.

im satisfied.

i love my life. i love my family, and i especially love my friends.

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And together there
In a shroud of frost, the mountain air
Began to pass from every pane of weathered glass
And I held you closer

than anyone would ever get