skinny love

We throw away enough bread at subway to feed a lot of hungry people. Its been bothering me for awhile, more so last night when i threw away a trash bag so full that it was hard to close and hard to lift. Some of it is really inedible, but some loaves are still good, just a little hard or a little underbaked or overbaked.
i feel bad throwing away food thats still good when there are people who need it. And not even people like starving kids in Africa, but people close by who are truly hungry.
Maybe when the new guy takes over i'll talk to him about it. Maybe we can work something out.
Hopefully.

my parents called yesterday.

actually... i dont want to talk about it.


Yesterday was the worst day at work I'd ever had. I was already tired when i got there because it was my long day and i had to wake up early, and the bus driver blew off my stop and drove a mile or two out of my way that i had to walk 20 minutes before i had to be at work. So i ended up getting there a little late. When i got there, Kristine (my manager) told me that she thought it would be slow. She seemed to really want to talk, so for the first hour we cleaned and she told me about her life lately and how messed up things are (pretty messed up, gotta say), and she started to cry. (Basically, her husband and her are really growing apart. Anthony, one of the guys who used to work with us, really likes Kristine and she really likes him back. He says he loves her and that he wants to marry her, but he doesnt have a job and wouldnt be able to support her. Also, Kristine keeps reminding him that shes married, and shes being good about it. She hasnt had sex with him or anything because she cares about him and doesnt want to mess anything up. Kristine is 20 and she got married when she was 18 because she was pregnant. She loves her kid, Adelia, more than anything else in the world, and she's doing everything she can for her, but its hard because Kristines husband is immature and kind of a deadbeat. She goes to school every day and is doing a year long phlebotomy course in 12 weeks, also she works 6 days a week and tries to be home for her family. She tries harder than pretty much anyone i know. I look up to her a lot for it. Yesterday she was saying that money was tight. She got a phone call that the power was turned off at her house, and her husband didnt do anything to fix it. She had to call her parents for money, which she hates doing.) I dont think i really did a good job explaining. There is so much going on with her, i didnt know what to say. She is stressed out to the point where shes physically ill; she is constantly sick. right now she has bronchitis and has to use an inhaler, and shes still going to work and school 6 days a week. She throws up all the time from stress. Yesterday she threw up twice while we were working (once during the rush), one time she threw up blood. I think she has an ulcer. She is afraid that child services is going to take Adelia away, which is a definite possibility, especially after the shut off power incident. She cried almost the entire time we worked yesterday, even though we ended up being super busy and made 120 sandwiches in 3 hours. She cried while she was making sandwiches and ringing people up. The only thing i could think of to do was to work as hard as i could as fast as i could, so i helf off the rush while she cried on the phone in the back a couple times trying to figure out the power situation, and i did all the hard closing jobs. I dont think it was enough. i wish i could do more.
just...
pray.

please.
it will mean a lot to me, and i know it would mean a lot to her.

it was a hard night. i came home and took a shower and got into bed and cried and cried.
Im just glad im talking more with God now, because i could pray for her and i know things will be alright one way or another.


And the thought of another long day tomorrow.... ugh.
i need a mental health day, but i cant afford to take one. I need to go to my Astronomy class at 9:30 because they talk about a lot of important stuff that i need to be there to hear. Also I have to work tomorrow.
I think i will skip my economy class. The teacher never really talks about anything important anyway, plus i really dont want to stay at unm for 2 hours until it starts.
that should be nice.

now im already feeling better about it.

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Since I was made, I've been leaving.
I'd say I'd change, but I wouldn't believe it.
It's 'cause my legs, they don't forget.
When they find a way out, they'll always take it.







i listened to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrMmr1oMPGA&feature=related while i wrote this