staring into space

I've been thinking about portland a lot lately. I dont know why.
I used to pray for the people we met there all the time after we got back, but i haven't lately. I really don't want to fall from that habit, so I've made it a point to visit the Oregon blog (you can see it if you scroll down the page, right above my picture, if you want to read more about it and pray too) once or twice a month so that ill remember.
i find it easier to remember to pray when I can see all their faces...

Portland was definitely the high point of my year, and a turning point in my life. God has given me such a passion to help the homeless- all the homeless, everywhere. Not just Portland.
Though I am such a hypocrite. I kick myself every time I see a bum on the side of the road and i realize i forgot to put food, or, at the very least, water in the car so I could give it away.
You get such kicks from helping them out. Seriously.
Try it.

But yeah anyway, I really miss portland. I cant wait to go back... i'm most definitely going next year, even if its the only thing i do the whole summer.


oh yeah (this is kinda random) but i think my parents ordered my eisley shoes today! I asked for them for christmas, and my "christmas wish list" is sitting right here by the computer. heh heh heh. http://www.veganessentials.com/catalog/bronson-eisley-studio-project-slip-on-by-macbeth.htm
check them out. arent they great? :D



Todays Theme Music:
when you thought you'd never stand out- copeland
heads or tails, real or not- emarosa

stacy dupree is my friend on facebook. i know you're jealous.

I have a Chemistry test on Wednesday.
And im actually studying for it. You should be proud of me.

yesterday we (TEEN GIRL SQUAD) got our costumes for the small group party! We went to savers :P I got what danielle would call a chola outfit, lol. Its overalls without the overall.

Also on thursday I'm taking my senior pictures. I don't know how I feel about that- i hate getting dressed up, and I pretty much suck at getting pictures taken of me. It makes me feel awkward unless im doing something crazy.
But josh is taking them so i'm sure one or two will come out ok.
http://www.myspace.com/jmorsephotography
check it out!


Todays Theme Music:
great dj- the ting tings
you love to sing- copeland

album art

im excited :)

I'm going to be a hair model.
like a hand model, but with hair. Only im not going to wrap all my hair up so that its not exposed to light or the air or chemicals or nasty things. (hand models are known to get kinda crazy about not touching things)

Anyways,
one of my friends is a photographer and had this idea to tie my hair up with a blonde girls hair, and then (somehow, im a little fuzzy on the details) put that in front of a canvas painted with little creatures on it (i think). And StandBy Records is going to buy it for $1000 to use as album art for a random band (i actually dont think they've picked the band yet). So i'm gonna get $100 out of this, plus my hair will be on a cd's album art.
yay!

Also, Awkward Guy burned all the skin off the fingers of his left hand in lab, cause he accidentally leaned on a hot plate. And he had gloves on, so the plastic molded to his fingers and he had to rip it off.
gross!

im taking a math test tomorrow.
wish me luck.



Todays Theme Music:
im safer in an airplane- copeland
debate exposes doubt- dcfc

school friends? what school friends?

Have I told you about Awkward Guy?
I am literally hiding from him right now.

Josh Morse was pretty happy when i told him i know someone more awkward than him, though Awkward Guys awkwardness is a different sort of awkwardness than Josh's. Josh has an awkwardness that makes him likable because its funny. Awkward Guy has a kind of crazy awkward aura, and whenever I'm around him, I feel awkward too. Its the whole stuttering/loss for words/saying the wrong thing/shifty eyed/not knowing what to do with your arms and legs/i just wanna be your friend awkwardness. Its a different kind of awkwardness.
So i really dont like hanging around Awkward Guy, because i hate feeling awkward and i dislike being around people with this type of awkwardness.

The thing is, Awkward Guy always wants to hang out with me. I'm not the very hang-out-able type of person, unless you really know me, so i really have no clear idea why. I think its because Awkward Guy used to know my brother way back when.
Anyway, without fail, every monday after chemistry he will walk up to where im sitting and ask if i want to study after his class (at 1:30). And i am obliged to say "yes", because
1) if you say "no" to Awkward Guy, he will be depressed
2) i actually need the help

Only last week i was studying with a friend in the cafeteria and i forgot i told Awkward Guy that i would be in the library, and he was apparently searching for me everywhere until he found me. (which is kinda creepy). But anyways, today after i said i confirmed that i would study with him, Awkward Guy stuttered out, "You'll be there this time, right?", and i felt bad that i was so mean to him.
So here i sit in a corner- the very back of the library. There is a chance, however slight, that maybe Awkward Guy doesn't wanna study today :P





Todays Theme Music-
on wings of integrity- mychildren mybride

problem solving

i wish life would be like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEf4psd9HTw&feature=related

haha. hahaha.





Todays theme music:
reinventing your exit- underoath

ugh

... i hate school

to god

thank you for putting me where i am
for giving me my friends
for always listening
for motivating me
for taking time to hear about my day
for being patient with me
for not ignoring me
for always knowing the best for me in any situation
for having a plan for me
for supporting my ideas
for always being there
for advising me at all times
for being my hope
for giving me confidence
for believing in me
for understanding me
for letting me truly experience you
for changing me
for helping me realize what i can do to help you
for not giving me more than I can take

you are my GOD

(and i love you)



todays theme music:
moving for the sake of motion- underoath

team lightening!

Today was epic. We went to a Turkey Bowl thing at Grace Church, where you split into teams and play hardcore games like brutal ball and cow tongue football.
Cow tongue football has got to be the best game ever. Our team totally pwned, and i have bloodstains on my shirt and jeans. Gotta love it!
We were team lightening. And we had this little lightening motion thing with our hands :)

Oh and i totally got taken out by a HUMONGOUS ball. When i opened my eyes, people were standing over me like, are you ok? it was pretty hilarious.
And we had a fire pit and roasted marshmallows (i had smores for the first time!) and jumped over fire and walked over hot coals; yknow, all the good stuff.
I'm bruised, I got elbowed in the face and taken out by a gigantic ball and been pounded in the face with a cowtongue- overall a pretty amazing day.


Today's theme music:
this town, a town so obtuse- wesley jensen
what am i to you? - norah jones
dogs can grow beards all over - tdwp

i can handle anything

I have a lot to say.
I just dont know how to say it...

I guess I've been feeling really apathetic about life lately. On saturday I came home and had a breakdown. Things that should really bug me don't, not as much as they should at least. I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. I feel like I'm not going anywhere.
Times like this, I really like to remember Jeremiah 29:11-12. I can clearly describe God as my Hope. Life sucks sometimes, but the moments are fleeting, and I have something freakin amazing to look forward to after this.

One of the most comforting things ive thought about lately is that God wont give us anything that we can't handle.


On a different note, I'm excited for the small group halloween party! I'm going to be The Ugly One from Teen Girl Squad. (look it up on youtube; its pretty hilarious)
I'm thinking my costume will involve striped tights.



Todays theme music:
President of What? - death cab for cutie
In An Aeroplane Over the Sea- cover by eisley

we needed sunshine...

I just woke up and I cant hear out of my left ear.
weird.


kinda funny that You Are My Sunshine comes out on a super rainy day.
:)





Todays theme music:
on the safest ledge- copeland

how could i not be a christian?

As Shane Claibourne (author/ordinary radical) says, "Jesus always messes up my plans".
Jesus is always messing up my plans too. Its such a weird feeling to have been pulling one way for so long, and then God tells you, "Um. Hey there. What are you doing?"
And you're like, "Remember? This was the plan?"
And God just smiles and says, "Yeah, that was your plan, not mine."

Then you have to start all over.
:)

Someone was saying at small group last night that life would be much easier if you didn't know that God had a plan for you at all, because then you tend to want to make it go your own way and end up having to start all over. again.
I agree.
Actually, life would be easier if we weren't Christians at all. Sure, it sounds easy in the beginning, but it can be pretty difficult. Whoever said that Christianity is easy was sadly mistaken.
I think I have trouble with it because I suck at focusing on God's plan for the day, and not looking ahead. That was one of the first things we learned in the Experiencing God book for small group, but so far its the hardest thing to practice. I'm the kind of person that likes to be able to see the end result and then work up to it.
But you know, one of the best things about God is that He knows whats best for me, because He knows me better than I know myself.
So, in the end, how could i NOT be a Christian?

Its hard, but its totally worth it.




today's theme music:
Everybody Here Is A Cloud - cloud cult
Sunfeet - eisley

i dont mind the weather...

I love the slow soft rain that we sometimes get here.

Isn't it great to wake up in the middle of the night hearing water splashing against your windows?
I always feel so cozy at those moments, because i'm safely inside, and i've got sweaters and blankets.

And then when I get up in the morning, the sky is cloudy and theres a glow in my room thats only there when the sky is overcast, and all the rest of the day I just feel relaxed and close to God, because he created this for me.
:)

cant wait for tomorrow night

a crazy week. im glad its almost over.

We went to visit Clinton last weekend. I have decided that I don't like going to visit clinton. I wish clinton would come visit us. We didn't even talk to him that much, because he didn't really seem like he wanted to talk or spend much time with us. He had to study for a test, and then we didn't get to play around or anything; it was mostly just staying at the hotel watching tv.
lame!

Also, it is really hard (for me at least) to study while I am riding in a car. Which was not a good thing, since I had 3 tests this week. Sunday was probably the worst day, because we had to do a formal dinner in the morning (something for Clinton, i guess), and then drive back here, unpack, then pack again. Because I had to spend the night at a friends house because my aunt had surgery and my mom couldnt drive me to school cause she had to drive my aunt to the hospital. But I was pretty glad that I had to go to my friends house, because with her help I realized that I did all the wrong homework. So thankfully I got all that done, though I had to work into the next morning.
But seriously, I don't know how I would have survived this week in the fine mental state I'm now in if i wasn't a Christian. I can't count how many times i was stressed and frustrated to tears, and had to stop what I was doing for 10 minutes so that I could talk to God and have Him tell me everything's ok. God always makes me feel better, seriously. Go read 1 Timothy and you'll know what I mean...

Oh yeah, and another stressful thing is now gone from my life! Piano lessons have been cut from my weekly routine. I'm not gonna stop playing piano, I just "quit" piano lessons, so its something im going to do on my own, at my own pace.
(ooh i like the sound of that)

But the week still isn't over. And neither is the stress, because tomorrow morning we, as in awana, are having a garage sale at Grace church to raise money for Summit this year. My parents are in charge of it, so I have to go and hold signs and try to sell crap. Anybody wanna buy some junk? Its for a good cause :)