another crazy dream

I've been dreaming a lot lately.

Last nights' was particularly memorable.

I was riding in this huge van with a bunch of people from church. It was night, and we were passing through a neighborhood. We all got out of the van and started to walk around, and then suddenly they all got back in the van and left me. I ran to try to find them, and this other van pulled up from behind. I started to walk towards it, thinking it was the church van, but at the last minute I realized it wasn't, and I tried to get away. But I couldn't; it was this gang of girls and I realized it would be useless to try to get away.
The ringleader started punching me in the face, which didn't hurt much, but I could feel myself starting to lose consciousness. After she was done with that, she got out a knife. Once I realized that she was going to cut up my face, I started begging her to stop, but she just smiled cruelly and started swinging the blade around so that it was slitting my face. Just then the church van came around the corner, and she smiled and got back into the car.
By that time, I was in some major pain and shock, so tears were streaming down my face, and I looked down and my shirt was covered in blood. I couldn't see that well, so I just walked down the sidewalk and eventually met Ryan Sickenger. He wouldnt look at my face; he just took a bandana from around his head and put it around my eyes.
The next thing I remember after that is laying in a bed with everyone around it. It was 5 days later, and the only marks of my "encounter" were a few cuts on my face, and one on my hand. Other than that, I was completely fine.
So my aunt called up and asked if I wanted to go get a piercing with her (which was...weird). I asked my mom, "can I get another hole in my ears?"
and she said, "no." Then I asked her again and she said, "yes."
So I asked her, "Can I get my bellybutton pierced?"
and she said, "No" and I asker her again and she said, "If you can wrestle your dad to the ground, then you can"
So I went to the mall, and there was this kiosk where a girl was giving people piercings, and I asked her to pierce my ears again. After that was done, I walked around the mall awhile. I saw my dad there, so I went and wrestled him to the ground, then I went back to the kiosk and told the girl to pierce my bellybutton.
After that was done, she told me I got a free facepainting since I got 3 piercings. I was about to tell her to make my face look like a cat, but this guy walked past and told her to paint in on my back. So she painted a trailer park on my back.
By this time, the girl and I had become pretty good friends, so I invited her to church.

And then I woke up :)
It was one of those really vivid dreams- especially the first part. I love those kinds of dreams.

my biggest wish

is that I could be in Portland, Oregon right now. I find myself wishing that a lot.
I like it there. I like the atmosphere, and how while walking downtown you can just stop and help someone at any minute. Not that you can't do that here... but people are a lot more receptive in Portland. Believe me, they are.

Right now it is 6:00 pm in Oregon. People are sitting down to dinner, no matter what their position or status. No matter where people are, or what their food is. They are all eating.
I wish I could be there to help serve dinner at the Transitional Youth tomorrow night. Thats one thing that I really, super-miss. While serving dinner to the homeless people, I got to know everyone pretty well because they were hungry and kept coming back for more.
One of the things I remember thinking is that its amazing how much people can eat when they're really hungry.
Anyway, I miss talking to the people there and encouraging them to not give up on finding jobs, or clothes, or places to live, or God.

Sometimes I go to the Portland blog so that I can read again about what we were doing while we were there, or even just to look at the pictures. I like looking at the people's faces, so that I can remember their friendliness, perseverence, uncertainty, or rebellion. It's easier to pray for them when I remember what they're like.

adventure!

Today everyone left me at home for hours and hours. So this morning I decided that I would climb a tree and then ride my bike to the library. And take pictures.
This is all against the rules at my house, by the way. My mom thinks that I'm going to get abducted by rapists and pimps and get sold out as a prostitute. But I wasn't too worried about that. I was more worried about her calling and finding out I wasn't at home... but she didn't :) Dont worry.
Anyway, I didn't realize that it takes so long to get to the library from my house. And that it was pretty much uphill the whole way. And that I would be wanting some water. And that the library opens at 10, and I would get there 20 minutes early, and I would be dying of thirst in the meantime. But it was a lot of fun anyway :P And I actually saw my friend Zach on the way, so that was cool.
I wanted to check out a book that was actually good for once, cause the stuff I've been reading lately has been pretty bad, I must say. I hope I succeeded. If you have any amazing books that you've read lately, you should let me know about them :P
Anyway, my bike ride was really refreshing. It's fun to do something physical once in a while, isn't it?

Another thing- im thinking about getting dreadlocks. There is about a 50% chance this will happen. The upside is that it will look cool and I won't have to do much to style my hair after its all dreaded. The downsides are a) to get my hair back to normal i have to cut it all off or wait a super long time till its all grown out, and b) as my friend Molly puts it, "who knows what could be living in your hair!" lol. But I think that with proper care it can look pretty cool...
just a thought :)

omnipotent

I think its amazing how God has my future all planned out and knows exactly what's best for me. Kinda crazy, cause when I at first look at what He's doing, I'm like, "What is this crap? Whats going on? This isn't what I want at all." and then a few months, weeks, or days later I'm thinking, "Ohhhhhhhhhh. Sorry God! But that is abso-freakin'-mazing! Thanks!"

God is pretty much the ultimate parent, and so much more. He feeds me the veggies, humble pie, and occaisonal small piece of expensive, rich dark chocolate in life, and its all worlds better than the dime store mints and caramels that I want to eat.

Like the Portland Mission Trip. I think thats one of the best things God has ever planned out for me. I learned so much about myself and God and what I want from life while on that trip. So I'm super grateful for that, and I'm really wondering what God has next in store :)

scorpion

Well then.

I love summer.
thats lame, but I've really nothing else to say..

Clinton is leaving tomorrow. Not for college, just for a 4-H competition. I'm kinda glad, because I think I would just like to be alone most of the time now.

I found a scorpion in my bathroom last night. I wish I had something wondering and philosophical to say about it, like Rachel with all her spiders, but all I can think of is Matt's story of how he microwaved a scorpion and its head blew off.
I didnt microwave my scorpion though; dad smashed it with his shoe.

Oh- I did hang about 18 paper cranes from my ceiling. I really like the effect. It reminds me somehow of music, and prayer.
Prayer mostly, since I seem to be super in-touch with God lately.

"and though the news was rather sad..."

So much has happened to me in the past 2 weeks that I somehow can't seem to remember any of it, or the important things at least, until I really begin thinking. Or maybe thats just because of this protective shell I've put over myself so that my emotions won't get the better of me...

I think the predominant thought of the moment is, "I wish I could be back in Portland." There is so much to do there, and we had so little time. But the time we did spend.... was life changing. And (I hope) not only to me.
Our main goal was to be Christ to the people of Portland. And not only to the homeless... but mainly.
What I noticed about Portland is that its pretty much split up into two worlds: you have your high-class, high-roller world, where everyone wears designer clothing and shops in all the expensive stores downtown; and you have your down-in-the-dirt world, where you have to beg and scrounge and work for the money for your next meal... or (as much as I hate to say it) the money to support your habit. These worlds are so different from each other, and they hardly connect at all. One day we had to dress up as hobos and pretend to be homeless, and the more "fortunate" people I encountered were such jerks. A lot of time we wouldn't get eye contact or attention from anyone; other times people were just flat-out staring. Very few people actually showed that they cared in the least.
And thats one of the reasons I feel compassion for these people- I somewhat understand (if only remotely) what these people deal with every day just by spending a few hours on the street, and yet the whole time I was thinking, "I can't wait till we can get back to the house and eat and wear our comfy clothes and be warm," when homeless people have no home to go to, no comfy clothes to wear, and they're hungry all the time.
Some of the people I met were so nice... and all I can think is that they don't deserve this. And a lot of the people I met just deal with it, and I'm so proud of them! This one lady, Madeline, is a wonderful example of dealing with everything life throws at you and following God at the same time. The first time I met her, I was working in the kitchen of the Transitional Youth, which was the street church we helped out at and met people at (my favorite part of serving in Portland). Madeline had been sick all day because she had to eat out of a dumpster the day before, and the food she ate was bad. But she was so sweet, she went to Transitional Youth that night and got some hot dogs (they gave out free food) for herself and her friends that couldn't come. Another time we met her on the Max (a train) and talked to her, and she was reading her Bible and talked to us about having a relationship with God when you're on the streets. She is quite amazing- one of the people I've been praying for every day.

If you asked me what I would do if I went back to Portland, I would do exactly what I did when I was there before- having one-on-one talks with the homeless to show them someone cares, and especially working at Transitional Youth. There was some atmosphere about that place that was absolutely wonderful. They give out free food and clothes, too. There was this one homeless family (heartbreaking, I know) that went the first night we were there. It was the night I was working in the kitchen, and man this guy mustve eaten 6 hot dogs with chili, 5 cookies, and two heaping bowls of ice cream. I can only imagine how little he actually eats when he's on the street, just to support his two little children.
Also it was cool just talking to the people at Transitional and hearing their stories. Some of them were kinda tragic, like their parents were deatbeats who did nothing but smoke and drink and beat them, so they ran away to live on the streets, because a life homeless is better than a poor life at home where no one cares. A lot of the time when street kids refer to their 'family', its not their real family- its people they've met while being on the street.
But not all of the homeless kids came from awful homes- some of them just simply ran out of money while traveling. One of the guys I met used to live in Alaska, and was traveling around seeing what there is to see when he became homeless. He was building a rocket at Transitional Youth when I was talking to him. I wonder how that went...

These homeless people don't have much going for them, but a lot of them have whats important- friends... close enough for them to call it 'family'. And you know, its not like these people are dead or anything. Theres always hope, and that lies in a relationship with God. And thats what I really really want to go back and show these people- they can be happy wherever they are in life, cause they have reassurance for the next. Madeline showed me that.

People you can pray for:
Seth, Dean, Madeline, George, Dean, Cyrus, the homeless family, Howard, and all of the homeless in Portland.

back

I am really, seriously tired.

ughh. more later