when i was a young girl, trying to find a way above the tree tops...

Today we went to Dions, and there were two balloons on the ceiling so we got them down and sucked the helium out of them and laughed our heads off at our voices.
So then we decided to go to Albertson's and buy more balloons. The guy operating the machine must've thought we were crazy.
We got every color of the rainbow and went back to Dions and stood outside saying lines from Teen Girl Squad with helium voices.

(and this morning i talked to Clinton on Skype, which is this really amazing thing you can download and you can see and hear the person you're talking to and they can see and hear you. so i talked to clinton and justin, his roommate, and also i met their friends Kelsey and Austin. Only Austin had been drunk the night before so that was kind of awkward and not cool. Anyway, skype is amazing and i love it)



Todays Theme Music:
tree tops- eisley
ulrich firelord- iwrestledabearonce
just another marionette- emarosa

love is all you need

wrote this bio-poem for my english class-

Amanda
Relative of Bernadette and David, Sister of Clinton
Lover of music, sugar, and her Jesus
Who feels loneliness, her sense of purpose, and sometimes nothing at all
Who needs a loving God, books, friends
Who fears bad grades, differences, and being alone
Galloway




i just got back from the hospital. my grandpa is dying.
got my ears pierced again, but the lady screwed up and im getting my right ear done again next week.
i miss my brother like nothing you can imagine. his shower collapsed (again) because of mold, and i just know thats whats making him so sick, which makes me angry but what i do about it?
i also miss my evie.
listening to some manchester orchestra and the beatles, just doing some random homework and eating candy.
i lost my hat, the one with the ears. i cant find it anywhere. Ian got me a hat for my birthday but he cant give it to me until spring break.
thinking about all the homeless out there... i complain a lot but i have it good.
i think im ready for summer already.
haven't been making much of anything lately, just haven't felt like it and that makes me sad.



Todays Theme Music:
dont let them see you cry- manchester orchestra
all you need is love- the beatles
what sarah said- death cab for cutie

hindsight

On my birthday my mom always tells me the story of when i was born. She started having contractions pretty early in the night, so she got pretty much no sleep. In the morning, my dad was leaving for work and mom said, "hey im having the baby soon"
and he was basically like, "oh you'll be fine, you'll probably have it when i get back from work"
"maybe you shouldn't go to work though, yknow since im having the baby"
"you'll be ok. i'll see you later"

so dad left mom at home, very pregnant with contractions and a year-old Clinton to take care of. probably not the wisest decision on his part, since my mom has pretty much never forgiven him, haha.
anyways, mom was really scared, so she called up my aunt to see if she could come over. But my aunt was really sick and busy throwing up every 10 minutes, so mom was like, thanks but no thanks.
then mom called my grandma and she was like.... wait theres no one there with you?
and mom said "nope, dave went to work"
so grandma jumped into her little grandma car and drove over to spend the day with mom. She kept Clinton occupied so that mom could be pregnant in peace. and mom did the laundry, cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed the floors, etc, because apparently you get a burst of energy right before you have a baby.
Dad came home and grandma took Clinton to her house. They got ready to go to bed when whoops! moms water broke, so they packed up and went to the hospital.
and then a few hours later, at two o'clock in the morning about 18 years ago, i was born in Presbyterian Hospital.
and ive been loving life ever since




Todays Theme Music:
talking bird- death cab for cutie
i shouldve known better- the beatles
float on- modest mouse

my crazy dream!

last night i dreamt that i went to a bowling alley with all the kids ive been doing school with for a long time. When we got in the alley, i was stooping to look under a sofa when there was this really uncomfortable wad in my pocket. So i took it out- it was all the money I'd earned in two years, which was exactly $52. I set it on the ground and forgot about it.

We were leaving when i realized that my money was missing, so i made everyone turn the van around and go back to search for it. I couldn't find it anywhere, but as i was looking under a table i saw that across the room two pairs of hands were reaching for my money on the floor! I ran over there and said, "thats MY money!" but the other two women said it at the same time. I tried to prove that it was mine, but then one of the ladies stood up and held the money, and it didnt look like mine at all. It was covered in chocolate and had chocolate chip cookies mixed in. So i started to search throughout the room for my money, and all the while other people came up saying, "i lost my money. that money is mine."
i found other money, but they all had some kind of candy on them.

Then i started finding foreign money and money from a long time ago. I just put it in my pocket and left. I joined a rodeo of dogs and went to prepare for the show, but my hair was all greasy and needed to be washed. I put my little dog in a box to keep other dogs from fighting with her, but the other dogs crawled all over the box. When i looked in the mirror i was fine, complete with cowgirl gear, so i just left.
i was so tired, but when i walked out the door there was my small group ready to read Romans 2. We had a book with questions in it, and we had to answer them all. I ended up falling asleep.

When i woke up, i knew i had to get the money i had from the bowling alley home or it would be stolen. So i saddled up my horse and rode away through many desert towns. People put up wanted posters of me. My horse disappeared and i had to walk, but the sand was so deep and the wind was blowing so hard in my face that i could hardly make any progress. People were going by fast in the opposite direction with the wind at their backs, yelling, "youre him! youre him!"
It became blazing hot with no wind, and i turned into a pea. I rolled down a hill and saw lots of little circle plants that looked like me. But they had jagged teeth and tried to eat me. I managed to roll around them, only to fall into a giant river.
I thought i was safe, but just then a pharana came and ate me up.


Todays Theme Music:
pin your wings- copeland
hold me tight- across the universe version of the beatles song

its getting hard to be someone, but it all works out

ive officially gone on a 30 minute bike ride every day for a week. Haven't seen any terribly obvious results yet, but im hoping to get there soon!
i love going for bike rides because there's so much going on. i can see God working everywhere i look. I love to see the sun glinting on telephone lines, beautiful sunsets, flocks of birds, dads playing catch with their kids after school, vicious dogs trying to eat me... (just kidding, not that one).
i do like it when people go walking with their dogs though. They always seem happy for some company.

Ive had lots of interesting dreams this week, probably from all the exercise and getting worn out. One time i was playing capture the flag in high-heels, i dont know why cause i hate heels...
then i was Kate on lost. LOVE that show! did you watch the premier? 3 hours of amazingness.
also one time i was at a boarding school.
weird.



Todays Theme Music:
strawberry feilds forever- beatles
with a little help from my friends- beatles
crayon angels- cover by fleet foxes
umbrella- rhianna

these days its hard to tell whats outside from whats inside my mind

its only one week into the semester, but i can already know that this ones gonna be way better than last.
Last semester was so awful; i felt absolutely no motivation whatsoever to do anything school-related. There was just a lot of stuff i had to deal with, like my brother moving away to college and people dying and stupid teachers and close friends moving away, etc.
...would it be ok if we just forget it for a while and move on?
ok then.

i have 7 classes this semester and the hardest one is physics (ew).
the most interesting class is probably Analytical Writing- my teacher seems to be the type to give out lots of work, but its ok because i actually enjoy the subject for once :)

and i have to give a speech coming up here soon... any topic suggestions? I was hoping to sort of go along with Shane Claibourne and Chris Haw in their book Jesus for President, but im thinking that would be a bit of a challenge. i dont really know how I'd fit so much into a 7 minute speech, and it would be hard to figure out what to cut to make it fit.
(if you haven't read the book, you really should. its so amazing)

so everyones starting to talk about Portland again. I know its not gonna be the same, but i still can't wait. It'll be special in all its own ways.
seems like a lot more people want to go this year. I really hope its because they truly want to serve and not just wanting to go because it was reportedly 'fun' last year. I want so much for us to reach people there in ways they haven't ever experienced!

im really looking forward to graduation.
ive been looking for a dress to fit the crazy graduation people's standards- no easy task when you hate dress shopping, haha
and im trying to get nice and strong so that i can pwn laura.
well not really, but i have been working out a lot, like today i went for a run, did push-ups, crunches, went for a long bike ride, all that fun stuff. It makes me sleep really well at night, and ive been having dreams that seem so real i sometimes think they've actually happened.
at least i dont sleep walk :)




Todays Theme Music:
chemicals collide- cloud cult
i can feel a hot one- manchester orchestra
crayon angels- cover by fleet foxes

if you blog with a purpose, raise your hand

(while my hand stays glued to my side...)


this week has flown by.

im not so sure im ready for the weekend. because this week ending so fast means that the weekend will end faster, and with the ending of the weekend brings school and hard work and commitments that must be kept, but i wont want to keep them.
because im a lazy person.

so we have to take my brother back to State on sunday, and though he's been a little exasperating these past weeks i will be very sad to see him go, as usual.
because i have been feeling kinda lonely lately, sometimes very lonely, especially at night.
and hes one of my best friends so ill miss him lots.

im looking forward to graduation and college, but i just can't choose in whether to go to unm or state. unm is definitely the more practical choice; its got a better business program and i could live at home and save money on houseing, but state is very desirable because its away from home and still close enough to home.
and sometimes i just wanna get away, not gonna lie. I wanna see more exciting things, and im hoping that'll happen once i get away from the 'rents.

but for now, im just waiting...
and trying to enjoy life in the meantime.
:)




Todays Theme Music:
metaphor in parenthesis- house of heroes
i can feel a hot one- manchester orchestra
invasion- eisley
just like we do- eisley

back to life, back to reality

i liked the little thing about setting goals in Bobs sermon last saturday.
i dont know if its because this is my last semester in high school or what, but i feel a little more dedicated already. I only had one class today, but i woke up early anyway, got some pocket pal stuff done, went to physics, came home, and did more school. im proud of myself!
there was only a minimal amount of slacking thrown in there :)

found out that two friends of mine took the same classes that im taking, so im buying the two books i need from them. Its really cool becasue the books will be significantly cheaper than they would have been if i'd gotten them from the bookstore. Textbooks can be so expensive!
also i called cnm and requested my official transcript, so when i get it i can officially apply to State. At the last minute :)

also im really excited about a project im working on- its a panda, but im making it so that it has black legs and arms. the last one i made was pretty lame cause it was all white.


Todays Theme Music:
walls- emery
reinventing your exit- underoath
sunfeet (old version)- eisley

if i stay in one place, i lose my mind

i hate staying home. especially at night.
it makes me feel so alone...

the family all in different rooms doing different things.
my parents always wonder why i prefer going out with friends at night rather than staying home with them, but they never want to do anything together anyway. except watching tv, which can get pretty boring sometimes.

i thought that since clinton was home we could go out and do things together like old times, but he's had this strange stomach sickness thing that has taken over and he doesn't go ANYWHERE at all. i dont understand it.
when he first came home, he would go places here and there, especially if Heidi was gonna be there, but now he absolutely refuses to go anywhere and its driving me insane. i hate seeing my brother like this like he's some weak old man, talking about his death and the pills he has to take.
not even his girlfriend can talk him out of it and he wont even leave the house for her.
im scared of this and what he's becoming.

But he still sits and plays runescape on his laptop, and video games when hes not doing that. My dad watches football on his brand new tv, mom takes over the living room television because she hates football, and what am i to do? how do i release whats inside of me?

...now you know why i like making things. it makes me feel good about myself.

but like other things it can be tiring after a while.
as Kimya Dawson sings,
"if i stay in one place,
i lose my mind"

so i wanna go to NM State next fall, see new things, make new friends, live somewhere else, come back for the holidays, hug my mom and dad, leave again, come back, etc. love it :)
mom thinks i wanna leave because of Ian, and i loathe her just a little for saying it.
turning a friendship into something too much, something too hard.
her saying that just shows that she doesn't know much about me at all.
my dad keeps saying that im a good kid and stuff like that, but its not true. im not a good student- apparently being so focused on the future makes me fail at the present. i have a problem with concentrating and procrastination. I cant make myself do anything that is school related; no new years resolution is going to change that.
ahhh! i need to get it together and i need to graduate!

on another note, i went to the mall with some friends today and had a needed girls outing. I wanted Clinton to go, but well i guess God wanted me to go with just the girls today.

my favorite hoodie (summit hoodie :P) is falling apart; ive had it for nearly four years.
I love hanging onto stuff like that because of the memories- my first (and best) summit, cold nights outside running around with friends, paint stains from Portland, a face on the back from when i was experimenting with cloth and my drawings.
but the other day i went to zip it up and the zipper broke clean off. i got a new one at the mall today, though mom had to twist my arm off first. (just think about how many people died of cold today (and right now) when i have a sweater that can keep me warm and yet i spend the $20 that they dont have to buy a new one)
but thinking about the memories i'll make in this sweater make it a little better...
and so does the fact that soon im going to donate my old clothes that are in good condition to a homeless shelter, or goodwill or someplace.
i may be alone right now, but the homeless are more alone than i am,
because many of them dont have jesus.
and we need to do something about this.
right?


im looking forward to the end of April, the 26th specifically, since im going to a concert at the sunshine with laura. Sky Eats Airplane, Emarosa, and The Devil Wears Prada!
and school will be ending.
doesnt get much better than that, kids.




Todays Theme Music:
fell in love with the game- blindside
the red- chevelle
just another marionette- emarosa