perpetual motion machine.

basically, this is what is happening.

-- i finished school on the 11th of May. anthropology almost killed me, but i ended up getting a B. pwned!

i got all B's and an A in art history.

-- two days ago i bought a car. it is a 2002 black honda accord, and i love it.

i bought it from a little old mexican man with a moustache, cowboy hat, and snakeskin boots. he is 74 years old.

now i dont have to rely on anyone for a ride. i feel free.

-- i applied for this TSA job at the alb. sunport. They accepted my application, and now i have to go take a computer test on the 26th of May, and if i pass it i basically get the job. if i get it, i would be 1) waving a metal detector wand over people as they go through security, 2) looking through people's luggage to see if they have bombs or weapons, 3) looking at the contents of peoples luggage through an x-ray machine, or 4) dressing as a plain-clothes security person and monitoring people's behavior.

i am excited. i really, really am hoping and praying i get this.

-- now im just waiting. reading. surfing the internet. working.

took off work for evies wedding on the 24th. so this is weird, right? a wedding. now everyone is going to start getting married and stuff.

thats ok. i really love weddings.

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6 things:

- i want to go see modest mouse this summer.

- i have a goal to only shop mainly at consignment and thrift shops so that i do not contribute so much to sweat shops and unfair treatment in the workplace.

- i love my flip flop tan.

- i just read memoirs of a geisha. it was good.

- i have always wanted to be a bridesmaid.

- i cannot wait until laura gets back from japan.

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stars shining bright above you

night breezes seem to whisper,

"i love you"

birds singing in the sycamore tree;

dream a little dream of me.

edit the sad parts

if there is anything that i believe, it is that God makes everything happen for a reason.
no matter how terrible things are, or seem to be, God is going to make everything beautiful again.
it may take days, or years.

i am stuck at a my job to be there for my co-workers.

people die so that people can be saved.

people break up because God has someone more amazing in mind.

people move away for new opportunities.


i have seen it time and time again. I have been crushed by certain things, but filled with understanding later.

it is always worth it.


if life weren't hard, then God wouldn't be so amazing.


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im gonna shake myself right out the door
im gonna take myself when its finally over
im gonna let my own bad self take over
im gonna move my arm without my shoulder.

...............................

i am going out of my mind.


and thats all.

i figured it out

i was in a super crappy mood today and yesterday.

this must be why-

1) signing up for classes. first you look at what you want to take, realize that's not what you need, then sign up for 15 credits of torture and have to PAY for it. not fair!

2) finals. need i say more?

3) extra credit work. though this helps with #2, good grades don't come without a price. this price is time, and in one case, money.

4) work. if i want a car, i need to have thousands of dollars. but then i have to sign up for classes. and eat. bye bye money, hello fewer hours due to finals.

5) people leaving. but its not that bad, really. this is not forever.

6) lack of sleep. work, finals, and extra credit cut into my sleep time. no sleep for me is not a happy time for everyone else, because i can get really mean.

really really mean.

7) stress from all of the above.

usually my bad moods don't last longer than a few days, so hopefully tomorrow will be all better :)

i don't know where to begin.

life is crazy.

i think that is mainly God's fault.

(not that im blaming you, God. i actually really love you a lot.)

I have spent about the last month spending as much time as i could with Danielle, because she was moving.

has moved.

I went over and we packed boxes and i told her she didn't need to pack all her scarves (among other things), but gave in when she asked what she would do if a hot guy in a convertable drove up and asked her to ride with him. Hot guys+ rides in convertables apparently = scarves.

we went to goodwill and buffalo exchange. also we flirted with a bald guy in a convertable. yes, danielle wore a scarf.

last thursday i got up at 5 am to drive her and lola to the airport. as we were leaving danielles house, i had a sentimental moment closing the door. That house has nothing but happy memories from me. I went over when i had a bad day or when i felt like it, and it was comfortable and always made me feel good. I housesat there, and i had sleepovers there for small group. i took one last look inside as i shut the door.

i love that house.

i got up and drove and lugged 2 huge duffel bags to the check-in counter at the airport. that is how much i love danielle.

nonetheless, 5 am is way too early for driving, carrying heavy luggage, and goodbyes.

cause when we actually parted ways, i was just like, seeya. ZzZzZzZzZzZZZZzz.

haha.

and now... its happening again.

another amazing friend moving in only a month.

but im just laughing at God. im not angry with him or anything, of course.

not at all, because im not scared. ill see everyone again someday, in heaven. and here, because there will be roadtrips and visits and talking and laughing.

i spent the month of April preparing for Danielle to leave, and i will spend the month of May preparing for another incredible girl to leave.

it wont be easy, but it makes me laugh. and cry, but mostly laugh. so if youre reading this, like i know you are, i just want you to know that i love you.

lots lots lots.

also i am jealous of you, but in a good way, because you are so lucky :)

an end is always also a beginning.

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You lose control when you hold too tight,
And turn your head long enough to let it bite.

faith left me staring at the ceiling through the night.
It's freaking me out.

And when I fell asleep, it plagued my dreams,
And 30 bits of glass had become my teeth.
They were breaking each and every time I tried to speak.
It's freaking me out.

im crossing my fingers and toes

I know its probably weird that im excited about having bought some of these tampons today:
but have you seen the ads for them? theyre so funny. people are afraid to talk about periods and blood diapers, but really when every girl has a period its not a big deal. its only a big deal if you let it be, and i never have.

Also i like that the packaging is black with bold pink, blue, and orange, instead of the generic baby blue or pink, or soft green. Just because having a period is supposed to be soft and girly doesnt mean we have to use lame products.

the first commercial i saw for these babies, i was like heeeeck yes.

i know im weird, but i dont care.

I want to have gi-had wars again sometime soon. We used to do that last year, where we'd get stockings and put flour in the feet and tie the ends off, and then play some weird capture the flag type game and hit each other with them super hard. everyone got all floury and occaisonally the stockings would burst open and spurt flour everywhere.

and then we would all go down to walgreens and get arizona tea. it was good times.

im getting a tan now because my teacher has been having class outside since the weather's been so nice. but since my flip flop tan is coming back, im wondering if the bird tattoos on my feet are such a good idea... instead i kinda want to get buttons being sewn on my back. I could pick all my favorite buttons, have someone draw em up in a random order, and have a needle and thread coming from one! i love the idea, and its so original. there were zero results for button tattoos on google images. good ones anyway.

also i want to get my tragus peirced. so many body modifications, so little money!

today i applied at target. i think my application looked pretty good. the only open position was floor-watcher-person. i dont remember the real name. basically you stand by the registers and help customers, ring people up, and get stuff from the back for employees and customers. im crossing my fingers and toes that i get it.

lately ive been feeling that im inadequate and pathetic, with no direction and no future. i am a real loser.

but jesus is for losers right?

im alright.

i got an etsy. http://www.etsy.com/shop/illeachoo

check it out, if you like.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i had a rusty spade,but im not the fighting sort.

if i were samson, i'd have found that harlots' blade

and cut my own hair short!

in a market dimly lit,

i come casually to pay.

you see, my coins are counterfeit,

but you accept them anyway.

new soul

the happiest times of my life:

1) swimming at lauras old house in the 6th grade.

2) when bryan said i was his favorite cousin

3) the day we got Zia.

4) when Xanadu danced next to me at the M88 prom.

5) one night in the 4th grade after mom painted my room lavendar and i sat on my bed reading the Wind in the Willows.

6) the trampoline mosh pit at marissas birthday party

7) when i realized God wanted me to go to portland.

8) when underoath played too bright to see too loud to hear as an encore song.

9) the night josh told me he loved me, and danielle gave me my graduation present.

10) dinner right after graduation with my family, laura, and josh.

11) any time ive made pocket pals.

.................

..........................................

..............................................................

seriously.

this could go on and on and on and on and on.

i need to find a way to condense this. or make another list, and another.

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When you told me you didn't need me anymore
Well you know I nearly broke down and cried
When you told me you didn't need me anymore
Well you know I nearly fell down and died