mattresses underwater

i got two fish yesterday. i just felt like it, for some reason.
i like going to the pet store. every little animal is so seemingly safe in their 7'' by 5'' habitat, hamsters spinning on their wheels and finches building nests and turtles chewing carrots. I wonder what they're thinking; how much they understand. Some of them will soon be going off to a new home. Some of them will die within a few weeks. Maybe they'll have good owners, maybe their owners will neglect them. Maybe they'll experience love.
There was a gigantic fish tank of goldfish. it was the biggest tank in the store, with the most fish in it. Some of them were spotted and some bright bright gold, some only a shade of yellow or creamy white. I looked at them for two or three minutes, i looked at every single one and watched what they were doing. There was one little one, it didn't have much of a tail but it was a quick swimmer. And then i saw another one, the smallest one in the tank, and all the other fish were beating against it. it was getting pushed around. So i called the lady over and pointed those two out. She got her little fish net and dipped it in and all of the fish swam away because they didn't want to go with me. They were afraid. The lady scooped out my fish one by one. it only took her a minute; she'd been working there for three years and had lots of experience.
I held them on my lap in a little plastic bag all the way home, and when we got there i poured them into my plastic fishbowl.
I named them Peaches and Cinnamon. Peaches has a white belly and Cinnamon has a yellow belly, but other than that theyre both bright gold. They're never too far apart. Its a big fishbowl for two little goldfish, but theyre always touching or close to it. i wonder if they would ever get tired of each other.
They're afraid of me. They always hide in the rocks when i come near.
Also they like to annoy me by blowing bubbles at the surface of the water when im on my bed reading.
but i love them.

Clinton is sick. When i was little, i had this stomach sickness (i dont remember what it was called) and i felt sick to my stomach all the time. i ate hardly anything, so i was really skinny. I was looking at some old pictures recently and noticed that i looked even anorexic at that time. My grandpa used to always tell me to eat, that i was too skinny, but i never wanted to because i always felt sick. It was that way for a year or two before i got better.
Clinton is sick kind of like that. He eats, but he's always sick to his stomach. I remember that. it never goes away. Even on good days, or days you feel good, you still feel bad. There's still something wrong, and you can feel it.
Clinton is at the doctor right now, wonder what it is?

Went to the library yesterday. I had finished "a million little peices" and the diary of anne frank and i needed more. Gotta read everything i can before school starts.
Looked through the cd racks and found Narrow Stairs, my favorite death cab for cutie cd. It was exciting.

maybe i will write my own book. It will be about subway drama, and once published everyone will snatch it off the shelves and there will be a million holds on it at the library.


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The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.
I broke something, Old Man.
How badly is it broken?
It's in a million little pieces.
I'm afraid I can't help you.

Why?

There's nothing you can do.
Why?
It can't be fixed.
Why?
It's broken beyond repair. It's in a million little pieces.