the sky is calling; and the stars, they point to this

i heared at least 10 michael jackson songs today at work. we have our radio tuned to oldies, so they were all of little michael, with the cute face and the afro, "a-b-c, easy as 1-2-3".
(The best part about that station is the Beatles on the hour. They play a beatles song every hour, and this is the best because they are amazing and whenever you hear their songs its like a reminder that another hour has passed)

i cant stop thinking about that movie, fight club. josh and i watched it last night. i was pulled into it from the very beginning. its an amazing story. i wanted to watch it again, and again and again. i wont give anything away.
just go watch it.
(and after you do, what is something you want to do before you die?)


get excited. we the eliakim is going to be playing a show in september. http://www.myspace.com/wetheeliakim
i cant wait to see them play. actually, i'll probably be making a few t-shirts for them. im starting to get excited about it. went through my thread earlier. yep.

things are not so great, when it comes to my family. the relationship between me and my mom sucks. (im beginning to wonder if we can get along.)
It seems like its always my fault. It seems like im the one always doing something to "hurt" them, to "disrespect" them- i am the terrible child that doesn't care anymore, the immature teenager that has no respect and is unfeeling, the selfish, childish one. i know i was wrong sometimes. i know that. i am sorry. ive apologized. ive changed. i am more self-sufficient, but sometimes... maybe its made me worse. (no mom, i do not actually enjoy fighting with you).
and she asks me if things are going to be like this from now on.
and i say i do not know what she's talking about. (but im thinking maybe it will be)
and, you know, its not like im happy about it.
it hurts me when she says she thinks i am.
im just confused. and im looking for God in this, but where is He? i need to go to the eye doctor maybe, put that little thing over my eye and read the letters from 10 steps away, get a stronger prescription.
(the fact that You love me means so much. thank you, God)

there is a small chunk of skin missing from the middle finger of my left hand. i was slicing tomatoes, happened to look down, noticed i was dripping red stuff that was not tomato juice. (i love the color of blood. its so clean. very bright and beautiful. makes me understand a little more about Bible verses that talk about blood, Jesus' blood. its beautiful, actually and symbolically ) tomato slicers are dangerous. it was so sharp i didnt even feel it, one of those things. dont worry, we threw those tomatoes away.

im leaving tomorrow. packing up, see you later, maybe you'll get a postcard or a sticker or some pictures to look at.
im going to live in the woods for a week. gotta be there at 2:30, stay the week, leave on the 4th at 11. so planned.
(trapped)
(but im glad to get away)
now i know what i want to do before i die. hop in my car (hopefully ill have one soon) and drive. i'll plan some things; of course ill take clothes and money. only whats essential though.
stay gone for 5, 10 days, come back. it'll be refreshing. i feel like a hot sweaty person watching rain fall a mile away. pretty close, but still pretty far.

nonetheless, im always one step closer.

goodnight. i love you. see you in a week.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
stuck in my head-

the words best friend become redefined- chiodos
i can feel a hot one - manchester orchestra
darlin it aint easy- zee avi
and i see stars, because that cd is stuck in joshs The Chariot's cd player, and wont come out.